The Redhead is an active creature. She climbs rock, ice, glaciers, mountains. She rides her bike and runs (when chased) for miles. She flat water and ocean kayaks. She does canyoneering trips and sleeps in tents.
Apparently stairs are *not* in her repertoire.
The Independence Day holiday this year sent The Redhead flying down a small flight of stairs, causing a break in both the tibia and fibula on her left leg. Hence, she’s going under the knife on Friday the 10th and will emerge the Bionic Woman (and thanks to my Facebook friends and Twitterati who have insisted that Lindsay Wagner is “hawt”).
Here’s the problem: my story sucks.
You would think that if I was going to fuck-up my ankle that I would have done it in while engaged in some outrageous outdoor adventure. Apparently my muse left me on Saturday night (perhaps for one of the martinis I’d been drinking). So I turn to you, my readers, to develop a better story than mine.
Here are the rules:
- Stories must describe HOW I fucked-up my ankle in LESS THAN 300 WORDS.
- All stories must be left in the form of a comment on this blog.
- ONE entry per person (and please don’t be an asshole and try to skirt the rule with multiple email addresses)
- Stories will be accepted until Wednesday, July 16 at midnight.
- Stories CANNOT involve a single modicum of truth (which means those who were present for the event cannot write what really happened, even if it’s hilarious/interesting as all hell…you know who you are).
- At that time, The Redhead will choose her top 3 “better stories.” These 3 stories will be posted in a subsequent blog entry.
- Readers of the blog will VOTE for the top story, which The Redhead will then tout on a move-forward basis as the *real story* of her ankle calamity.
- Winner will be announced on August 1, 2009 and contacted one day prior via email.
- Your entry constitutes written permission to use your name and other shit in the announcement of the contest winner and gives The Redhead permission to republish your story on this blog and use it in social settings when people ask, “Hey—how’d you fuck up your ankle?”
The WINNER of “A Better Story than Mine” will receive:
- A pat on the head from The Redhead
- One 16G iPod Touch
- If you have a blog, a link back to your blog on my “Shit I Like” page
Got it? Get it? Good. Check back for gory pictures from pre- and post-surgery. And come up with a better story than mine on how I screwed-up my ankle. My story…SUCKS.
Some Fun Facts about The Redhead’s July 4th & Injury that CANNOT be used in YOUR Story
- She was playing beer pong at one time during the evening.
- She was drinking Absolut Pear Vodka mixed with Vitamin Water.
- She made a homemade granny smith apple & rainier cherry pie for the party’s host.
- She has complete memory loss from the period of the injury to waking up in the ER the next morning (no shit – the human body is weird that way, huh?)
- She BIT her host following her injury. Quite impressively, from what she hears.
- It took 2 doctors, 2 male nurses and one drunk friend to hold her down so they could splint her leg.
*** As a side note, I’m completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of well-wishes and those near and far who have offered help and cocktails of consolation. From emergency sushi & chocolate cake deliveries made by new Facebook friends to multiple offers for surgery escorts to simply the right words (in humor and in all seriousness) of encouragement and support spoken in public and private…THANK YOU. My friends, both real and virtual, are making this ordeal much easier to process. While an upside to injury is honing a new set of ninja skills (crutches are the new nunchucks), the downside is slowing down your life and learning a new approach. ***