Been Down One Time

Been down one timeYesterday, Ash Ambirge of The Middle Finger Project BLEW UP this blog. I mean, of all that is right and holy, it was like a legion of rabid nuns laid siege to a castle harboring Sarah Palin clones and burned the motherfucker down. It’s amazing when you set eyes and mind on another writer who’s willing to not only put it all out there but use his or her toils and tribulations so that YOU (yeah, you) can find new a glorious ways of fucking up. Because some days, the best we can hope for is to find a new way to fuck something up.

But what I’ve always found the most inspiring about Ash is not only her willingness to put it all out there, but her balls to the wall determination that she’s never going back to that place again. If only everyone had the same resolve.

I do it, you do it. The problem is, we forget about it and delude ourselves into thinking that this time things will be different. Boyfriends, girlfriends, bosses, jobs, family bullshit – I tell ya. We are masters of our own demise. We can find The Same in a 50 foot high haystack, and we’ll dive in to find it even if there’s a drove of nasty ass fire ants guarding the thing (this is an especially important reference as I recently killed a two foot radius mound of them in my front yard and have no desire to get near the fuckers ever again).

We date the same people.

We get new jobs that are just like our olds ones.

We keep bailing out the ones we supposedly love because we’re too guilty not to.

How about this to start your Friday: quit it.

How about you look for the following and make some shifts that will put you on the level of someone who’s moving forward instead of in circles:

  • Find someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Yeah, all that chemistry shit has to be there, but you’re never going to find anyone meaningful if you’re always looking over the fence for the Better Thing. Or if you’re one night standing it through your weekends. Or if you spend more time criticizing than you do loving. If you ain’t got anything nice to say, get out and learn to love the most important person in your life: YOU.
  • Quit working jobs. Yeah, I know – sometimes we need jobs. Transitional periods are great times to have jobs. But if you put on your big people pants and sit down on the sofa for a moment with a lovely cuppa dirty chai, I’ll bet you can admit to yourself what it is that you want to be doing to tell the money to git in mah bank account. Jobs are temporary. Careers are things filled with passion, improvement, goals and victories. Sure, there are some glaring failures along any career path, but only you can choose to not go back again and use the fuck ups to move you forward.
  • Say no. If you keep bailing out the same people in your life, you’re not doing them any good. And before you get all up in a tizzy, I’m not nailing compassion to a cross and building a religion around its demise. Sometimes the best display of compassion is the tough move – saying NO. There are some people who will always rely on others to get them out of a jam and never learn to walk with strength. But we can do out best to be compassionate and say no in the right way so that our generosity isn’t sending the wrong message.

I’ve hit rock bottom so many times that I’ve lost count, but the best part? It’s been a different bed of rocks each time. I’m betting Ash is the same way. How will YOU fail next? Look forward to it. Embrace it. But this Friday, tell yourself that the bullshit stops here and you’re not going back to that same old green mossy slime-covered, slip and fall on your ass when you try to walk on it place that leaves you feeling like shit. Do something – anything, really. Because the one key to getting out of where you don’t want to be is taking a step. And now, I’ll turn it over to Lindsay Buckingham, who said this back in the 70s with a simple,folksy elegance thatI could only hope to achieve one day.

She broke down and let me in
Made me see where I’ve been

Been down one time
Been down two times
I’m never going back again

You don’t know what it means to win
Come down and see me again
 Been down one time

Been down two times
I’m never going back again

27 comments
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The Redhead
The Redhead

What the fuck are you talking about, dude? This post has nothing to do with one night stands. The only reason I approved your comment was to smack you down and give you fair warning that future comments need to be on-topic or in response to another commentator. If you're looking for a backlink, all my links are no follow so go spam another blog.

J.D. Meier
J.D. Meier

> How will YOU fail next? Look forward to it. Embrace it.  I've learned to embrace it -- it comes with the territory.  I've had great mentors that taught me to fail often, and fail faster ... learn and move on ... carry the good forward.

Jonathanfigaro
Jonathanfigaro

One night standing your weekend away..sound like when I went to Stony BRook University in Long Island. ..haha 

Cab
Cab

It’s official. I have a crush on you now. Don’t worry, I’m multiple states away and I’m a lazy stalker. :^P “Quit working jobs.” Yeah, 20 years working a job I don’t give a husky fuck about is very, very sad. And chicken shit. My balls suck up into my body just thinking about quitting. But I so need to. Wish me luck. -Cab

The Redhead
The Redhead

Cab, I don't think you need luck at all. I think you'll dig the feeling of having an incredifuckingmungous weight lifted off your shoulders when you do the deed. (And thanks for crushing) :)

Jessica L Williams
Jessica L Williams

This is such an inspirational post Erika!!  I just discovered your blog yesterday and I am so happy to be here.  I love the way you put things very bluntly and say if you want to move forward, you have to stop doing the same old things.  Love!  Can't wait to read more of your wisdom.

Caroline McGraw
Caroline McGraw

You're one of Ash Ambirge's favorite writers, you're sending me a free pony AND you like Fleetwood Mac? Erika, you WIN. ;) Thank you for this post ~ I needed to hear it, especially this:  "Sometimes the best display of compassion is the tough move – saying NO." Looking forward to reading more...and to trying an advanced yoga class tonight. I'm sure I'll be failing + falling in new ways. Literally. Thanks again!  

The Redhead
The Redhead

Yes! Free ponies for everyone! Welcome to the blog and I'm delighted to have you here, Caroline :)

Jess Webb
Jess Webb

Well said! This one caught me right where it counts. ;) I can immediately think of one situation where I seem to keep failing in the same way. Hah! Silly me. So I'm taking that step forward so I can start failing in other ways and MOVING onward. ;) Thanks, Erika!

The Redhead
The Redhead

You, m'dear, are most certainly welcome.

Deberoo2
Deberoo2

Thank you again Erika. No one likes an inventory of the obvious. But you put it to us, and keep an eye on the prize. Happiness and fulfillment are obtainable, just do the work.

The Redhead
The Redhead

You're welcome, Deb - these reminders are as much for me as they are for anyone else. I need lists like this - frequently!

Bill Dorman
Bill Dorman

git in mah bank account.....and I said it in voice too.........life's too short but ya gotta eat sometimes. I took the easy route and have been w/ the same firm for 28 years (yikes), have some ownership, and don't want for much. There have been times I might 'what if' a couple of times in my career where I could have done my own thing but I always used family security as my barrier. However, if I were to look at the balance sheet there are far more pluses than negatives. You make a good point about finding someone that makes you feel good about yourself. Choose to associate with forward thinking, solution driven, positive people. Yes, you can let off steam and I'll be your sounding board but don't make it a way of life; go out and do something about it. It is way too easy to seek out the familiar, even if the familiar is a dead-end street. Sometimes we just need someone to shake us out of it at times, huh? You get me two for one today.............I've been pretty slow on the 'stuff' side and spent most of my time engaging. It's starting to catch up to me so just this week I've been trying to figure out Google Reader and how I can organize some of it. Not perfect, but I think I'm a step closer to getting a handle on some of it. Hope you have a great weekend.

Michele Bunn (Mediamichele)
Michele Bunn (Mediamichele)

Amen to this!!!  Erika - I was just about ready to call the guy who keeps "doing me wrong" under some ruse of "whatever" because it is Friday and I'm just feeling lonely and then I read your post.  My fingers will not be on the dial pad but on my keyboard sticking to my own commitments to not call.  And Lindsay Buckingham always nailed it - so I'm going to put on some music now..Thanks for posting!

The Redhead
The Redhead

Forget that loser that doesn't respect your ossumnessity. Yes, that IS a word. Go hang with some gal pals and celebrate YOU. You don't need a Friday for that ;) *shit I learned the hard way*

Steve Rice
Steve Rice

Great post, Erika.  Awesome take on the old adage of failing "forward".   Could really relate when you talked about how we take the same jobs, but different companies, etc.  It's the "same old"...literally!

The Redhead
The Redhead

Same old in a different location. Names and faces might have changed but the behavior stays the same, y'know?

Darien Goldman
Darien Goldman

DONE and done. I did this before the move to Colorado, now with my business surviving the economic bitchslap (with the aid of an understanding and supportive husband), I can look back not with weary exhaustion, but I CLIMBED A FUCKING MOUNTAIN mentality. Survival isn't always the key, but during what seem like insurmountable odds, give yourself a big break  for making it out intact. Lots of people don't.  I'm gonna have dinner with you someday, and if I don't turn into a mushy fangirl, i'm gonna make you pee your pants with the stories.  Misery is only funny when it happens to someone else  :P

The Redhead
The Redhead

Dinner? Holler. Name it. And you're fucking-A right about misery. Jeebus.

Sandi Amorim
Sandi Amorim

C'mon...a Fleetwood Mac reference on a Friday morning? I love you even more now! I even happened to sing a FM song at the karaoke event pre-WDS last week, so I'm over here tapping and humming along with Trudy! As for rock bottom...hells bells...it's just too damn familiar. And then (cuz of course rock bottom isn't bad enough) the self recrimination kicks in for being there again. The worst kind of feel-shitty cocktail ever! Post WDS? I can start singing "never going back again"" with a big ass smile on my face!

The Redhead
The Redhead

Awwwyeah, Sandi. Let's hum it together!

Erica Allison
Erica Allison

So, Erika, I think you and I have some really similar tastes in music! In addition to your kick-ass blog content, now I have another reason to come by: sweet music videos! Nice. And you're 100% right - let's stop the insanity of surrounding ourselves with douche bags, saying yes to any schmo that needs something from us, and working in something that doesn't bring us deep satisfaction.  That last one is the hardest because well, we do need the money in the bank to keep the wheels rolling, but because it's the hardest, it's also the most important! Ditto what you said about Ash and her guest post!

The Redhead
The Redhead

This? Yes. THIS is what Willis was talkin' about.

Annie Sisk
Annie Sisk

Word to your momma, Erika. Especially that whole "say NO for the love of all that's holy" thing. 

The Redhead
The Redhead

And I do suck at saying no, good god. *sigh - hums embedded tune to self*

Trudy
Trudy

A Fleetwood Mac reference? YES. *hums in silence and taps foot pauses before continuing comment* Ash's post was brilliant and powerful and so is this follow up post. I guess the problem is the old adage of comfort in familiarity (even if it is bad). Replacing the bad habits and choices with good ones is the way to go. Great read.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Of course. If you can't get wisdom from Fleetwood Mac, where CAN you get it from?

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