The Bitch Slap: Clingy No Workie

Are you clinging?So I’ve got this thing in one part of my life where someone’s holding on to something that they don’t want but doesn’t want anyone else to have. So person is making life miserable for all involved and frankly, it pissed me off as I’m an affected party. Not only does it piss me off, but it hurts. It hurts me, the other people in the equation and quite frankly, it causes a cluster because:

  • No one can make good decisions when you’re holding on to something for dear life
  • The decision to hold on isn’t necessarily about WANTING whatever it is. It’s about fear.
  • Fear is a nasty little effer and decision made based on it are…poop.

See that? It came full circle.

We all do it – there’s no shame in The Cling. It’s human nature, really. We’re inherently afraid of change so we grab the status quo by the nads whether it’s what we want or not…simply because it’s familiar. I’ve been there in relationships, in business…hell, I’ve even been there in Target. I buy the same damn thing because it’s habit, not because it’s the best or what I really want. My brain shuts off and ritual kicks in, and – lo, and behold! A cart full of crap that I don’t want or need, but it’s coming home with me because it was on sale, on an end cap or in the package I recognized.

(sound familiar?)

Here’s your bitch slap: let go. Clingy no workie. When you hold on so tight to this cart we push through life’s store, you don’t give yourself the freedom to snoop around in the organic veggies. We’re so used to going to the bagged salads that we don’t give ourselves the freedom to grab some fresh Hearts of Romaine and see what a handmade salad tastes like. Stop latching on to the familiar. It’s not really comfortable at all. It hinders progress, stymies exploration and offers absolutely no fertilizer for anything new to grow in our lives.

I’ve found that, in my own life, when I start to shed those things that no longer serve me, I make room for a ton of growth. New relationships, new friends, new clients and opportunities…they make themselves evident when you open your eyes to them. I tend to live by a Dorothee Solle quote:

If my hands are fully occupied in holding on to something, I can neither give nor receive.

Ain’t that the truth? How are we supposed to grab onto the new opportunities in life if our hands are busy holding onto other shit?

Look at your life and your business today: what can you release so you can welcome new things?

And to the person still holding on that’s affecting those I love, let go. Move on. Stop being angry. You don’t want what you’re holding onto…you just don’t want anyone else to have it because you’re mad. White-knuckling life is no way to travel, eh?

You’ve been slapped.

20 comments
The Redhead
The Redhead

What's interesting, Shelly, is that you're one of the few who's privy to the source of clinging...thanks for the shoulder :)

ShellyKramer
ShellyKramer

Beautiful. Clingie no workie. For sure. LMK if you need my help in prying the fingers off.

alexwhalley
alexwhalley

Fantastic post Erika! A great quote that I like to keep close by that reflects all of this post is: "Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change"PLUS if you grasp the cart firmly with both hands, there is no hand left to 'bitch slap' now is there!

steven063
steven063

Totally agree. "If you keep on doing what you always do, you will keep on getting what you have always got" Stretch the boundaries, let go of the fears & live a little. That's what life is supposed to be about experiencing new things, learning & growing, as painful as it might be sometimes.Take careSteven

The Redhead
The Redhead

Slapping! Thanks for stopping by, Leon.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Mariano - your comments re always a delight. And I say to hell with B.O. - it's completely washable ;-)

The Redhead
The Redhead

It's an odd thing - if you don't have any free hands, you can't grab opportunity :)

Leon Noone
Leon Noone

G'day Erika,"Hell. I've even been there in Target." That really stopped me in my tracks. In "The 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing," Al Reis and Jack Trout talk about the Law of Sacrifice; having to give up something to get what you really want.But then, I've always had a sneaking regard for iconoclasts. Slap on, Erika!And of course, make sure you have fun.RegardsLeon

Mariano Franco
Mariano Franco

"People don't like it when you change because the ways they use to manipulate you stop working." ~Wyatt Woodsmall~Forming new relationships can be tough. Especially for guys. The movie "I Love You Man" perfectly illustrated a situation similar to mine. During my younger years I hung out with a rowdy crowd and did some shit that police officers and Mormons would frown on. When I met my mentor, and started reading Dan Kennedy, Tony Robbins, Napoleon Hill, dressing like a "White Boy" and hanging out less and less, I caught hell from my friends for "forgetting" about them.I had to get away or else I'd have been in prison or dead by now. Some of them get that now, but back then they were all butt hurt over my pursuing new opportunities that didn't include them. Since then I've learned why they hated on me. A default setting for 95% of the population is to constantly seek either Approval, Control or Security. So when you change your mind and start behaving differently, people you know feel like they're losing one of those and fight back. If you get bogged down by guilt, you stop striving for new opportunities and languish in homeostasis. I withstood the criticism and had a close couple of friends for years that I did everything with. Well, this worked to move me to the next level but the conditioning my mind of "Don't talk to strangers" kept me from seeking new relationships. Especially with men, not wanting to seem gay and all.And that behavior completely stems from my being too attached to Approval, Control, and Security. But through new mentors I've become more comfortable with releasing those emotions and being more courageous. Now I'm embracing the idea of "Always Talk To Strangers. Even the ones with B.O.", because you never know what doors a new relationship will open up in your life. Thank you Erika for being one of my new mentors who introduce me to new ways to succeed with your remarkable renegade philosophy. Mariano

Mike Stenger
Mike Stenger

Fears keeps a lot of us back but in order to get anywhere, we gotta push through it, especially when it's fear of change. No one became a success by not changing, they became a success by changing through the fear.

Peter
Peter

Dang, now I want details... Good (effing) post!

WickedShawn
WickedShawn

Letting go is the hardest and the most incredibly freeing thing one will do in their life. Great post!!

F.A. Farrell
F.A. Farrell

Erika writes: " Fear is a nasty little effer and decision made based on it are…poop." to which I write AMEN SISTA!

The Redhead
The Redhead

Why, thank you, Jennifer. The only talent I have some days is painting with words ;-) Thanks for stopping by today for your slapping!

jennifer
jennifer

Brilliant analogies!!! Wow!