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Nine Piles of Bullshit You Step in Daily

We come into this life with only so many fucks to give. And dammit, if we don’t keep spending them in the wrong (and useless) places.

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The Bitch Slap: 6 Things That Are Bullshit

Nov 30, 2010
bitch slap 6 reasons

Dames…I swear. Don’t you love this pic? This man takes no bullshit.

Wah, wah, wah. I can’t make any money. Nobody wants to hire me. I can’t find a job. Sack up.

If you spent as much time and energy doing something about your business (and your life that “sucks”) as you do complaining, you might actually get somewhere.

And before you go off on me for giving you a “sack up,” I get that life sucks sometimes. I understand the cold, lonely abyss that a heart and mind can fall into. Hell, if you bought a ticket to my heart and dreams lately, you’d think you were seeing a much better made version of Saw 2.

So don’t hand me comments about how I don’t get it. How your situation is different. How it’s someone else’s fault. Own up to the fact that everything you want in your life and business (save the heartbreaking bullshit that the universe hands us that’s unfair, inexplicable and rapes your soul) is yours for the taking. And I’m going to tell you the six reasons why your business (and maybe your life) are bullshit.

Reason #1: “I don’t make enough money!”

This one is precious. Because recently, I had the gift of knowing someone who did whatever it took to earn a living. Making new connections, taking a part-time job. You’d never know unless you asked him. And if you asked him, he told you why. If you need to make more money, make it happen. I guarantee that every day, you walk into at least one establishment with a “Help Wanted” sign in the window. And for the record – it’s the holiday season. EVERYBODY is hiring.

Reason #2: “I can’t afford it.”

Why not? Because you treat your bank account like a personal piggy bank? Because you think saving money is hard? If you’re reading my blog, you have a computer. Maybe that’s on your credit card. Stop paying other people to use your money and start getting paid for the privilege of keeping your money somewhere. Last week I learned about Kasasa – have a look. Spend money on your terms and they take care of the saving part.

Reason #3: “People don’t want to hire me.”

Of course they don’t. Nobody wants to hire a whiny little bitch. So why don’t you start asking the tough question: WHY? If you can figure out WHY nobody wants to hire you, aren’t you on the path towards a solution? Ask someone to look at your resume. I sat down with someone just this past Sunday who wants to work in the advertising and marketing industry and shredded her resume – but in a good way. And you know what? She emailed me and was proactive for WEEKS until I had a Sunday afternoon that fit both our schedules to meet. And I’ll offer you this: if you want me to take a look at YOUR resume, I’ll do it for free. Just drop me a line on my contact form. It’s that simple. (and please put RESUME REVIEW in the subject line on the form). Take the little things out of the equation and start asking the tough questions, because only YOU are keeping yourself from getting a new and better gig.

Reason #4: “He/She needs to apologize.”

This is crap. If you find yourself in the position that you no longer have that person in your life because life had other plans for their term on this mortal coil, you’re going to be eating one big heaping plate of regret. Swallow your pride. Be kind. Say you’re sorry. Open a conversation. And yes, there are some people there’s no talking to – I get that. So if you can live for the rest of your life knowing that if that person died tomorrow and you’d have nothing left to say to them, there ya go. If you feel otherwise, why are you still here reading? You’ve got a soul that belongs in your life. Go get it. And be humble about it.

Reason #5: “I don’t have time.”

Complete and total bullshit of epic proportions. You make the time for what’s important. You know it, I know it. Your manicurist and massage therapist even know it. And I’ll ask you: if the people you cared for in your life weren’t here tomorrow because this fucked up universe decided it had other plans, would you have made the right decisions? Would that project have been worth getting up to finish at 5am so you could drive to someone’s house to give them a hug at 8pm the night before? Time is a grand excuse and we use it in the lamest fashion.

Reason #6: “It’s his/her/their fault.”

No, it’s not. It’s yours. And yes, there is serious shit in life we can’t control, but if you stop wasting energy on blaming other people for what you could be focusing energy on changing…I dunno. Maybe some shit would get done. Blame is a huge black hole for energy in your life and I understand (all too well) how blame can actually save your soul during parts of the grieving and loss process. It helps to have people and things to blame. But I think it passes. And I know I feel better when I take that blame energy and create something instead of feeding a black hole that will never give me anything, especially the things I want most. It’s no one else’s fault in most cases. Start creating things. Stop wasting your soul on people and things not worth your energy. Build, stop tearing down. Love and ditch the “he’s a motherfucker” routine. It takes more energy to blame, hate and exclude than it does to take a deep breath and take the first step towards creating something from your heart. Blame is up there with the Oulda Sisters (Shoulda, Coulda and Woulda). Stark raving assholes, all of them.

You can use situations as excuses or catalysts. What will you choose today?

102 comments
Faith Choyce
Faith Choyce

Ha, I love this. So glad I discovered you. Whenever someone says "I can't find a job", what they're really saying is "I can't find a job that I think is good enough for me". If you can't find the opportunities you want it's probably time to make your own. 

Bella Nonna
Bella Nonna

u also need a ROUND tuitt, yaKnow like Eyll get a roundtuitt;)

JulieEllisor
JulieEllisor

Everything old is new again and how nice it is to still live in a country ( for now, anyway) where we can put these thoughts into ledgible sentences.

Octavious
Octavious

I avoided this link in my timeline assuming it was going to suck. It didn't. I couldn't agree with you more and I wish more people had this level of personal culpability. Cheers to you, and thanks for the chuckle (whiny little bitch got me).

The Redhead
The Redhead

Thanks m'dear - glad you enjoyed the post! Responsibility...a beautiful thought, isn't it?

siouxfairy
siouxfairy

I really loved your post!! yeah, yeah, yeah..I think young generation (or all people) should learn not blame other and move on. Be more responsible and have a courage to pursue their dream instead of whining and just doing nothing. Thanks :D

Kasasa
Kasasa

Great list, and thanks for the shoutout, RedHead – you totally get it! Keep up the great posts! ☺

Heather
Heather

like I always say: put your big girl panties on and deal with it.

Roberta
Roberta

Love it. You are great. By the way is that John Paul Belamondo (sp) in the photo? very cool...

Kris M O'Connor
Kris M O'Connor

I've never been Cleaver-esque in content or delivery for work or personal issues. But I'm wondering, would it be terribly wrong to direct my 17 year old son to this post? Hmmmmmm

Dysfunction Junction
Dysfunction Junction

I must be honest, I expected to read this post and think, "GAH. I'm doing every single one." (I am disproportionately critical of myself. So says the therapist.) I was shocked to see that when I really took the time to think about things, that I'm not doing any of them. I guess I've finally found the silver lining to the shitstorm that was 2010. I learned that life is too damn short to be wasting time on things like these. So, thank you my feisty interweb friend.

Dabney Porte
Dabney Porte

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! One of my primary rules in life is NO victims. I won't friend them, date them or even coach them. If we can't own our issues we will never change them. Ever. Thanks for your words tossed with a dash of sass which I so love. xoxo

Cathy Presland
Cathy Presland

I bet everyone has used at least one of these 'excuses' at some point - oh if only I had more time....!

Ricardo Bueno
Ricardo Bueno

Can't get ahead in life if all you keep doing is making excuses. Period! As Yoda once said: "Do or do not. There is no try" Stop making excuses and execute.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Why, thank you! That's a wonderful compliment and I'm glad you stopped by today. And time - yeah, that's a lame one, isn't it? :)

J
J

I take responsibility for the fact that my bank account is hit HARD every month because I color my hair every 5 weeks. It's expensive as shit but mama needs to keep her ginger locks fire engine red. I take responsibility! I am Spartacus.

Tracy Kemp
Tracy Kemp

Love this. I read resumes from people that have been out of a job for months, years and do not call them in for an interview for this very reason. I am the type of person that if things were so bad and the only thing available was flippin burgers, I would be flippin burgers.

erinlynn76
erinlynn76

Rockstar post, Erika! Loved it---spot on (as usual).

Angela Reinholz
Angela Reinholz

Sometimes we just need a kick in the pants like this. Its time to put on the big girl panties and start working hard, instead of hardly working. Thanks for telling it like it is.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Welcome to the site, Barbara. Delighted to have you. And keep that hat on - it looks good on you ;-)

The Redhead
The Redhead

Delighted to help shred! Dropped you an email in return :)

The Redhead
The Redhead

Send me that resume. I hav 4 in my queue and will have them ALL reviewed by end of day TOMORROW. You're a priority to ME, Karen :)

The Redhead
The Redhead

Everyone is inspiring a new line of clothing. Love this.

The Redhead
The Redhead

That's okay, Rich. I'm not for everybody. Glad you keep trying them on for size, though :)

Leon
Leon

G'Day Erika, A couple more for you......"I know how you feel." Usually stated with the best of intentions but little regard for accuracy... and, "You leave me no alternative." Not only is this almost always a blatant lie, it always precedes some action that the speaker's going to relish taking that "seriously disadvantages" the person it's said to. It's fun being human isn't it? Regards Leon

Rich
Rich

Not always a fan of your slaps...bitch or otherwise....but you nailed this one! Nice.

KarenB
KarenB

My favorite is the 2nd sentence under #3. I'm unemployed but as of yet I don't think I've been a whiny little b about it. I have realized lately that i need to come up with some new strategys instead of relying on old methods that don't work. I may take you up on the resume review. I do realize that because of your schedule, reviewing a resume of someone you don't know that well is a low priority item. Anyway, great posting, Erica!

The Redhead
The Redhead

Welcome to the blog and thanks for stopping by today for a read!

The Redhead
The Redhead

Well, I'm glad you opted to click through. Thanks for joining us today and you're welcome - glad I could make you chuckle.

The Redhead
The Redhead

My pleasure - and I can't wait until you have partner credit unions in the Denver area!

The Redhead
The Redhead

I like my panties to match my bra. Big Girl models, both of them :)

The Redhead
The Redhead

Why, thank you, Roberta :) Thanks for stopping by. And yes - I loved that photo as well. I believe someone else in the comments confirmed that yes, it's him.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Isn't that the truth, Nicolle? Getting the right message to the right people! And I'll have a look at that Facebook page :)

The Redhead
The Redhead

Oh, that sass is here to stay. Life might have had it hibernating lately, but it's still here. Great to see you Dabney!

The Redhead
The Redhead

And I am just as guilty as the next person...all my Bitch Slaps start with ME ;-)

The Redhead
The Redhead

Thanks for stopping by today, Natalie...

The Redhead
The Redhead

Hey - I LIKE burgers! And thanks for backing up my theory with practice. ;-)

The Redhead
The Redhead

Erin - lovely to see you as always :)

The Redhead
The Redhead

I like feet in my pants. Wait...that didn't...oh, nevermind.

Bella Nonna
Bella Nonna

TIIAN-(there is ALLways a workaround-yagotta understand b$ u can lern;)

The Redhead
The Redhead

These two are hereby dubbed #8 and #9 because someone already threw #7 up into the mix. Thank you, Leon!

Bella Nonna
Bella Nonna

that's ASS U mingU where a slingshot, isn't it?

Bella Nonna
Bella Nonna

the ryght massage often Dpendz on timing @ if the time is reddy 4THem 2 hear msg. :0 All u can do is put it out2 Puterverse and let Karma chamealyonit!;)

Dianna
Dianna

Did you check the link out? I think you and the Irreverent Sales Girl would be BFF's. Of course, you're more willing to just tell people to 'sack up', but there's a place for all of it! Right?

The Redhead
The Redhead

I did stop by :) I like her style...

Trackbacks

  1. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Grant Griffiths, RedheadWriting, 【ツ】Ron Callari, KatherineMeyer, Monette Satterfield and others. Monette Satterfield said: Wouldn't have said it just so, but -Agreed! RT @RedheadWriting: The Bitch Slap: 6 Things That Are Bullshit http://ow.ly/3hyOS [...]

  2. [...] Erika Napoletano lays it out, no holds barred: …I get that life sucks sometimes. I understand the cold, lonely abyss that a heart and mind can fall into. Hell, if you bought a ticket to my heart and dreams lately, you’d think you were seeing a much better made version of Saw 2. [...]

  3. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Liz Dennery Sanders and Liz Dennery Sanders, Kimberly Sellnow. Kimberly Sellnow said: RT @MamaBritt: RE: @RedheadWriting This is absolutely, hands down the BEST blog post I have read all year! http://disq.us/tggzu //Wow-YES! [...]

  4. [...] if I really need loads of time all the time to stay afloat? Perhaps #5 applies or a rendezvous with Erika @RedHeadWriting is a [...]

  5. [...] In the process I have been going over all the advice that I have been given from authors, agents, editors, and other writer pals.  I was digging through their lives and stories and looking for all the things they had on their side that I didn’t – time, organization, no children, no day-job, structure, this, that and the other thing.  And then, I got bitch-slapped. [...]

  6. [...] The Bitch Slap: 6 Things That Are Bullshit (redheadwriting.com) [...]

  7. [...] if I really need loads of time all the time to stay afloat? Perhaps #5 applies or a rendezvous with Erika @RedHeadWriting is a [...]

  8. [...] if I really need loads of time all the time to stay afloat? Perhaps #5 applies or a rendezvous with Erika @RedHeadWriting is a [...]