The Redhead Rant: Hey Lady – Slow the Fuck Down

Your Weekly Redhead RantI’m not a parent. The closest I come is being the aunt to the apple-of-my-eye niece and nephew. But driving home from work yesterday, I saw something that really pissed me off: a mother driving around with an infant seat in the back of her convertible. (Shocking, eh? Read on.)

Coupled with that, she was tear-assing down Quebec St., a notoriously busy street that’s perpetually under construction and riddled with commuter cyclists and pedestrian traffic..

Lady, you spent nine months gestating that baby, and by the looks of your expertly-maintained faux-blonde locks, I would think you pay more attention to your hair than the fact you have an infant child in your car. That kid goes where you go because they can’t make decisions (or bitch slap you, for that matter) on their own yet. Why on earth would you let your vanity rule and place your child in an open can of tuna fish and throw them into a pool with sharks?

I understand that you love your convertible Beemer. It’s very pretty. But none of you – not you, your car, nor your child – are going to be nearly as pretty when you swerve around a cyclist 15 feet wider than you have to into the oncoming traffic lane and get hit head-on by another car.

There is nothing that cannot wait until you arrive when you have a child in the car. But then again, what do I know? I’m just the lady driving behind you, listening to the horns blare and watching middle fingers rise in protest of the “skillful maneuvering” of your precision German driving machine. I think putting your kid in a car seat in a convertible is just as safe as putting said car seat on the back of a motorcycle. I understand that convertibles are generally heavier and less likely to roll, so don’t try throwing the science/physics thing at me. I know people ride around all the time with kids in bike seats and in trailers in tow…

but I was just thinking that maybe you’d want to slow the fuck down with an infant child in the car. Or if you’re going to continue to drive like a bitch on wheels, at least get a car with a lid on it to protect the one who can’t protect himself.

11 comments
Steve
Steve

Late model BMW convertibles have roll bars concealed in the rear seat headrests, and the windscreen frame is designed to act as a roll bar. So, I'm okay with the vehicle choice. Hopefully the kid had sunscreen and sunglasses. What I dislike is the bad driving. I ride a motorcycle and pay particular attention to minivans, Volvos, tuner cars, and SUVs. You can usually spot bad drivers - that's why we try to out accelerate them and make a lot of space between us. Risk is a relative term. In 3rd world countries, it's normal for parents to take kids on their scooters. I wouldn't unless they're bubble-wrapped and dressed in leathers.

rochelle
rochelle

While at a stoplight yesterday evening my nine year old looked at the Volvo sedan next to us and remarked about the "baby on board" decal. She said "what, just because she has that sticker she can keep talking on her phone and all the other drivers need to be safe. Yeah that makes a lot of sense." One can only enjoy the poignant powers of observation of a child.

Rebecca
Rebecca

Stumbled on your blog - I dig it - I also am allergic to stupid -

Lisa Nelson
Lisa Nelson

Unsafe? We have traveled several places where we have seen entire families on motorcycles! I kid you not! Dad, mom and two kids zipping down the road, weaving in and out of traffic. Then there was that time we strapped Zane to the top of the car...

Eric
Eric

...and get off the fucking phone!

Tatiana
Tatiana

you are one smart cookie. shitty drivers in general piss me off, but shitty drivers with kids in their car make me wish i had a cell phone to call the police. you don't do that stuff when you're responsible for an innocent life (okay, you shouldn't do it ANY TIME, but I understand some people are unrepentant douchenozzles).

eSlice
eSlice

Forget the vehicle choice on safety grounds - this lady is unsafe in any brand. How about skin damage after a few minutes under the blazing Colorado sun? Then the likely lifetime of neglect the infant faces while Mom takes care of #1. Man oh man.

The Barking Unicorn
The Barking Unicorn

You are making yourself unhappy with this line of thought. Stop it. Instead, rejoice in the knowledge that the woman will do one of two things: 1. Get lucky, and never roll the Beamer over on her baby, or 2. Kill herself and the baby, ending that genetic line of stupidity. See? Now you can't lose. Be happy!

wumpie
wumpie

Hey, you have to pass a test to get a driver's license. Driving a BMW is much more important than parenting, which requires no license.

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  1. […] Child Safety::Hey Lady – Slow Down | Redheaded Fury redheadedfury.com/child-safety-hey-lady-slow-down-redhead-rants – view page – cached If you've got a child in the car with you, maybe you could slow down a bit., If you've got a child in the car with you, maybe you could slow down a bit. Read this rant and more like it at RedheadedFury.com. — From the page […]