Day 4, Hard Truth 223: You Deserve Love

He cheated on you. She lied. Whoever it was, they couldn’t give you what you needed or wanted. You went round and round together and things would be great for precisely 8.23 days and then the thing would happen again.

You know, the thing you just fought about, made up about, and fucked silly in the bedroom after you’d exhausted yourself arguing.

He kept saying he would call but didn’t. She said she wanted to go out again but never texted you back. She has time to post nine things on Facebook but not 20 seconds to tell you if she’s available on Thursday to have dinner.

He left. She left. Just up and fucking left you and your heart and your kids and your life together like you were a bag of McDonald’s wrappers in a vacant lot in Nowhere, Nevada and sped away before you could even yell, “WAIT!”

You met him. Like, The One. And he died.

You came home after a trip and said you were ready to try and make this work and he told you he’d stopped wearing his wedding ring.

He said waking up with you on Wednesday was the best morning of his life and then the following Tuesday, told you in a scheduled call at precisely 11:15am CT that he didn’t see a future with you.

She took the ring and 7 weeks later, handed it back and said she’d met someone. Else.

It started fast and furious and you knew it was love, like real fucking love and not just fucking and the calls and texts and dates were all just perfect and you had finally forgiven J-Lo and Matthew McConaughey for that Wedding Planner movie because it wasn’t just a shitty rom-com IT WAS REAL.

And then one day, it’s not. It’s not real. It’s not anything.

And you drink. Cry. Have a marathon text session with Your Person, the one who picks you up when your heart falls through the cracks once again. You wake up sick, your face looks like shit because you’re not just hung over. You’re dehydrated from crying and didn’t really know that was a thing (it is).

And you’re ready to quit. Because it’s not going to happen for you.


And frankly, you don’t deserve love. Because you’re a horrible person who can’t get past the three-month mark and no one wants to share his or her life with you. You, the failure.


Today’s Hard Truth is about what you deserve. And you deserve love.

Earlier this year, I asked folks to email me and tell me what scares them. The number one answer from people, hands down, was they were scared they would never find love.

Always wake-up alone. Grow old alone.

Be alone.

And all those emails hit me in the feels. Like, the place where few people know how to get because just a few words have so much power to smack you upside the RIGHT FUCKING THERE.

Because everything above the word STOP a few lines up? Happened either to me or someone I know. And it took me a long time to realize that for every sign that came along telling me that I didn’t deserve love, there were six that I couldn’t see telling me that I did.

So today, I’m just going to give you a list of the reasons why you deserve love. Because you need to know this. It took me 41 years, two ex-husbands, an ex-fiancé, a boyfriend dying, and countless (seriously, COUNTLESS) good-turned-shitty dates to find THE ONE who makes me feel, without a doubt, that he was worth all the bullshit I went through to get to him.

Here’s what I ask as you read the list:

  1. Read each one and when you’re done, say — OUT LOUD — “This is true” at the end before you read the next one.
  2. Send this post to one person you know who needs to know they deserve love, even if they haven’t found it yet.

Let’s go.

Reasons You Deserve Love

  1. You are not a sum of every mistake you’ve ever made.
  2. Just because you’ve fucked up in the past doesn’t mean you’re going to fuck up everything in the future.
  3. No matter what you’ve done in your life, you never deserve to share your heart with someone who makes you feel LESS THAN.
  4. Your body is beautiful. Each scar you have is earned. And you are stronger because of your fault lines. It means you got hurt and survived. That makes you a badass motherfucker.
  5. You’re not perfect. You just need someone whose weird matches your weird. Weird is awesome. Perfect is an asshole you don’t want to be dating.
  6. You are worth more than waiting for a phone call. You don’t need to wait for anyone to tell you what you’re doing on Friday night.
  7. You have lived a badass life. And this means you are worth someone who plans to spend time with you. And this means you deserve to be loved by someone who can’t stand the thought f not seeing you Thursday so they ask to see you on Thursday the Sunday before.
  8. That thing you know about — y’know, the thing you totally geek out about and could talk about for hours — is sexy as hell.
  9. Your nose.
  10. That book on your shelf. That movie you could watch another 83 times and never grow tired of it. That place you visited where you took the pictures you framed and put on your wall.
  11. That day you were there for your friend when no one else was. And you didn’t have a single right word. But you were there.
  12. When you took the change out of your pocket to give to the person who asked — because you couldn’t NOT give it to them.
  13. That day where you saw that video and it made you tear-up and you didn’t want anyone to see it.
  14. Your YOU is nothing to be ashamed of, because someone is looking for your YOU. And when you meet them, you won’t know it unless you’ve got your YOU out for the world to see.
  15. Because love isn’t something that happens once. It’s something that you think about, fall into, and fight to stay in because it’s worth it. And you’re ready to do all of that.
  16. Because it’s not easier to be alone. I mean, fuck. Let’s be real.
  17. Because it’s stronger, not weaker, to say you’re willing to have your heart broken. Because it’s the only way you’ll find that person who will fight to keep it safe.
  18. Because it’s inconvenient to be loved. It’s super fucking inconvenient to look at someone and have to make time for them and consider them when you have your LIFE going on. But you deserve an inconvenient love that makes you glad you took that one moment. Because it makes you want to take the next moment. And the next. And baby — if you’ve got one thing figured out in this life, it’s how to deal with in-fucking-convenient.

You deserve love. And you are worthy of it.

You deserve to feel safe when you are vulnerable and fuck sharing your heart with anyone who doesn’t give mad respect to your vulnerability.

You will never take abuse — emotional or physical.

You will never use leaving as a threat. You will just do it.

And when you find yourself alone, you’ll embrace it. Gelato and Ben and Jerry’s and Netflix and YouTube are made for Alone so you’ll never have to be lonely.

And if you find yourself lonely, you will reach out. Digitally. Physically. Verbally.

Because the hardest truth I’ve learned in 43 years is that the reason most of my past loves never worked was because I didn’t like the person those men loved.


And when I learned how to be alone instead of lonely — I realized…

Fuck. This feels a lot better. Being alone. Because I stopped waiting for calls. Internet dating messages. Texts. Invitations.

And I built a life that was small, yet meaningful.

And I met a person — ME — who was ready to put her heart out there, balls exposed on the hot July pavement of life, and say, “Do your worst” when she met someone she slipped and fell in love with.

Because I deserved to be happy. And loved.

And I found a person who loves his HIM as much as I love my ME.

Which makes our US…well, it’s ridiculous. It’s awkward and weird and naked and real. There are days it’s better than others.

But each night, I kiss him goodnight and say, “Thank you for a good day.”

Because even a bad day with him is pretty fucking good.

So you. Yeah, YOU. You’re messy and gorgeous and you deserve love.

And fuck anyone who tells you otherwise.



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1 reply
  1. jdsmrstick
    jdsmrstick says:

    I did it. I recited “this is true” after each and every point. Out loud. In tears. And continued well after your points were made. Then something graceful happened. I agreed with me.
    Thank you for a good day.


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