As oblivious as I am to anything religiously-oriented, apparently today is Good Friday. Kinda like Easter Jr. but without the eggs, baskets and gastrointestinal distress from chowing on partially hydrogenated bunnies. So I asked myself – what’s so “good” about Good Friday? Not wanting to take anyone’s word for it and buy into the concept blind, I had to do a little research. After all, what kind of a sheep would I be if I just took someone’s word for it that Friday’s really good? After some trolling on the interwebz, here’s what I came up with. And truth be told, it really should be labeled “Fan-fucking-TASTIC Friday.” Good is so pedestrian.
- 1847: Cleavage would never be the same since on this day in history (April 10), Walter Hunt of New York City patented the safety pin. My sweater kittens are safe from wardrobe malfunctions and (you know you’ve done it…) zits for centuries to come will meet their demise at the point of this twisted little concoction.
- 1866: I make no bones about my love for animals. I have two dogs and two cats, all of which are rescue animals. On this day, the ASPCA was founded in New York City by philanthropist and diplomat Henry Bergh. Now if we could just shut down the senseless puppy and breeding mills, maybe America could wake up and realize there are countless shelter animals that have been abused, abandoned, bred without consideration or simply lost in the system that need loving homes. If I adopt one more, I’ll need my own shelter permit. I already refer to my car as “The Ark” for fuck sake.
- 1906: If you’ve never read “The Gift of the Magi” by O. Henry and you’re reading my blog, Christ almighty get your ass to a library! On this day in 1906, the legendary author published his collection of short stories The Four Million which included the timeless tale about a couple, a gift and a moral never forgotten by those who have read it.
- 1960: Swing, baby, swing…Brian Setzer was born on this day in 1960. The Stray Cats got me through my angst-ridden years and taught me that you can rock-out equally to both a bass guitar and an upright bass. He’s also gone on to create some bitchin’ modern renditions on classic big band music with the Brian Setzer Orchestra. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t Jump, Jive an’ Wail.
- 1985:Prior to April 10 this year, no R-rated movie had ever placed in the box office top 10 og highest-grossing features. We can all thank Eddie Murphy for fucking that up for the conservatives in years to come with his performance in Beverly Hills Cop (the first one – and only GOOD one).
So yeah…screw “good” Friday. Good is a pansy-ass, non-committal word that boys and girls say to one another when we don’t want to tell you how we really feel. Have a Fan-Fucking-TASTIC Friday, my dear readers. Pry that sticky-ass wafer off the roof of your mouth, have a greedy swig from the communal cup, rend the ears off as many “chocolate” bunnies as you like and quit taking everyone else’s word for it that it’s good. If it’s merely good, then you need to try just a little bit harder.