If I Can See You, You’re Not a Ninja

ninjas are everywhere...

This blog is prompted by an exchange I shared yesterday on Twitter with @MrWordsWorth. Apparently, there are lots of folks out there claiming to be ninjas. Most likely these are gurus and experts that have found themselves out of a career and to avoid the unemployment lines, they’ve gone down the ninja path.

So I began to wonder: how many self-professed ninjas are on Twitter? Am I surrounded? Are there LOTS of them? Should I be afraid?

So I did a search. The answer? 5,712.

Five thousand ninjas. Almost SIX thousand. Holy hell, we’re screwed. I just locked my back door.

How did the world become overrun with ninjas? Why hasn’t CNN run a story on the epidemic? It’s like ninjas have moved in and killed everyone in Vail, CO and started breeding. I wonder if ninjas ski…Hmmm…

Anywhoo –

Here’s a tip: if you’re really a ninja, no one knows.

WHY?!? Because they can’t see you!!!

Ninjas are stealthy. Discretion-laden. They’re the freakin’ Spanish Inquisition: nobody expects them.

I’m thinking that, especially in light of last week’s “expert explosion,” people might be best-served by letting others decide what they are and what they’re not. The right people know. The wrong people realize what you’re not.

So, here’s a tip, Ninjas: maybe you should consider discretion, else the entire world who’s really in the know about the essence of ninjas will know you’re full of shit.

30 comments
tdhurst
tdhurst

Fine, I dub myself a samurai killer.

roktott
roktott

I just use "Grand Galactic Imperial Prime Minister of...." Who's gonna fuck with that?

roktott
roktott

I just use "Grand Galactic Imperial Prime Minister of...." Who's gonna fuck with that?

The Redhead
The Redhead

THAT is a bril comic and thanks for sharing :)

The Redhead
The Redhead

That profile is criminal. I suppose the best we can hope for is that they'll be taken-out by a stealthy, acrobatic ninja (who doesn't advertise).

Georgia
Georgia

I read this post and a minute later I saw this on a Linkedin profile:"Marketing Ninja, PR Viking, Multimedia Guru, Social Media Acrobat."4 strikes already!This definitely needed to be said. If I were a ninja, I'd be insulted at how misused this word is. Great post!

Rodney
Rodney

I have always had a fascination for the ninja since reading the 1980 Ninja novel by Eric Van Lustbader. It has the best descriptions of the history and philosophy of the culture that went against the Samurai code of honor. Another series of total fiction I enjoyed then was [Remo Williams] The Destroyer. This was about the current Master and apprentice of the “Sun Source” of all martial arts- Sinanju. In the late ’80s, my son got me hooked on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Currently, I love to hate the Romulans of Star Trek. As Klingons always say “the petaq have no Honor!” In fighting, ninjas vanish, while Romulans cloak. A true ninja follows no code. Stealth is only a secondary state. Assassination, sabotage, and misinformation are their most common actions. They do not advertise or leave evidence of their involvement. Most usually work alone. See Wiki entries as well as sinanju.com and sinanju.net.

ShellyKramer
ShellyKramer

Sloth is good. Slut is better. Oh wait, maybe not so apropos. Dammit.Great post. Experts don't need to SAY a thing - they just are. Same goes for ninja, guru, rockstar and all the other stupid crap. Just be. If you're good at what you do, it will be obvious. By the way, one of the reasons Berkshire Hathaway and Warren Buffett are so beloved - his humility. Goes a long way. The ninjas should try that, for a change.Shelly Kramer@shellykramer

Bruce Dunwiddie
Bruce Dunwiddie

The ninjas that you found are the 90% ninjas. It's like being a professional baseball player with a .110 avg. It doesn't mean that you're not a professional baseball player, although you might not be for very long, it just means that you're not a GOOD professional baseball player. By my calculations, this means that there are exactly 635 ninjas that you didn't find that you should be worried about.

accompanyc
accompanyc

I replied to a "Facebook Ninja Wanted" ad on Craigslist earlier this year:"I'm not a Ninja, but you'll find me even more valuable."""I've never snuck into a hotel room and killed without a trace. But I do meticulous research and put your name and product where it needs to be, in front of the people who need to see it. I've got the tools, I've got the smarts and I am innovative, ready with a fresh perspective.""While Ninjas are in it for the money, I'm in it to make you look good. I'll commit to you and you'll get the results you want. Think of me as an extremely capable sidekick.""So Ninja, maybe not. But let's talk and see if you want better than a Ninja."Never heard back - guess they DID want a ninja...Great post - I'm going to go take "guru" off my resume ;-)

Mike Stenger
Mike Stenger

haha You made an awesome point Erika! Too funny :-)About this whole ninja, expert, guru, wizard, rockstar type business: Just be you and work on being you and improving you. You don't have to be this amazing expert or genius guru to get clients or have people buy from you/listen to you.

The Redhead
The Redhead

I'm opting for Viking. Goes with the solid "mom" role and protecting the homefront. They also have brilliant headwear and a propensity for snazzy accessories.

The Redhead
The Redhead

If I can't download you on iTunes, you're not a rock star, either. :-P

Tyler Adams
Tyler Adams

Yeah, the Ninja has become extremely unoriginal these days. I propose we come up with something better. How about the "Sloth". Let's think about it...Sloths have no competition for their food, no other animals that hunt them, sleep for 18 hours a day and still get everything done that they have to get done. Maximum efficiency. Yep, i'm aspiring to become a marketing sloth.

Laura
Laura

I'm not a ninja, I'm a pirate. No wait, I'm a princess. Or...maybe I can be a viking? Which would go best with that stay-at-home mom gig?

The Masked Designer
The Masked Designer

Searching for an expert can sometimes be difficult in the cluttered world of self promotion. People want to set themselves apart by being a little cheeky, while still bragging about knowing their stuff. I get that.But terms like guru, ninja, and rockstar are becoming the norm(especially in the creative field). Like alternative music in the 1990's everyone is doing it. Next thing you know, you're listening to a radio station that plays REM followed by NKOTB (New Kids On The Block's edgy attempt at a comeback)Bottom line: If you use this, you are just wearing the uniform of the non-conformist. If you are cool with it, I won't judge. As long as you admit it.

Irant
Irant

How many "Rockstars" are there? K

The Redhead
The Redhead

Funny. If I have any ninjas following me, I hope they read and jump ship ASAP.

Sithinious
Sithinious

5,712 ninjas on twitter, eh? What about your OTHER 44 followers? :)~

lomifeh
lomifeh

I can neither confirm, nor deny my own ninjahood. But safe to say if I were a ninja I'd have to kill you if I told you.

The Redhead
The Redhead

E-shanked? Oh honey...I'm going to send you my e-shiv for self-defense.

WickedShawn
WickedShawn

I can't even worry about the ninjas right now, I was e-shanked last night. Still busy recovering from that nightmare. WTH???

Megan Carpenter
Megan Carpenter

I always love your columns, and this one really has made my day. I know that ninjas are secretive types, that don't want to announce what they are, so I've always laughed at people claiming they have 'ninja skills' or even better, that they 'are ninjas'.What's really going to make me laugh is knowing Ike's information, that ninjas are not only secretive, but also a little (or lot) unethical. Thanks to you both!

The Redhead
The Redhead

Excellent point, Ike. Mebee the ninjas need a killin'? Hmmmm....

Ike Pigott
Ike Pigott

This is VERY funny, because of the history of the Ninja.The Ninja were merely the Samurai, who wore the mask and tried to get around unseen because they were doing things that would violate the Samurai honor code.The Ninja would assassinate people - a clear violation - but it was often done in cases, as they would say in Texas, where "They needed killin'."So those claiming to be SEO Ninja or SocMed Ninja are not only violating the cover of disguise by bragging about their skills... they are admitting they engage in black-hat practices.History is a bitch, isn't it?

Thomas Myer
Thomas Myer

.....coupla droids, a crazy old man, a wookie, a smuggler, a princess, and a farmboy

Trackbacks

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