So, let me tell you a story about a jackass hotel clerk who told me I couldn’t walk 0.7 miles this morning from the hotel to a MARTA station in Atlanta. Which resulted in me calling a cab. Which conveniently forgot to turn on its meter. Who charged me $10 to go three blocks, claiming “flat rate.” And whose dispatcher I called immediately following and (naturally) found the phone to just riiiiiiiiiing and riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.
How much of a fuckwad do you have to be to steal from people? Yes, I know I could have called the cops and he would have been gone faster than a sitcom starring Jeff Foxworthy. But if he’s willing to steal from me under the guise of business, I have to assume he needs my $10 for cancer treatment. So I wish him well with the cancer treatment and will advise that you avoid Rapid Taxi in Atlanta, GA (most notably taxi #0604). I can’t wait unti their SEO service checks this backlink. Guess what? I KNOW SEO, TOO!
But let’s get back to me and this AWESOME FUCKING BUS I’M RIDING ON.
That picture? Yup. I took it on the Megabus. In fact, I am currently on the Megabus. I’m writing this post on a Megabus. I’m blogging from a bus. And on the bus, I cuss. Yes, I must. This, you can trust. </seuss sequence>
Apologies — I’m sleep deprived because I cursed myself yesterday afternoon by tweeting my hope that the couple in the room next door didn’t decide to have sex given the rice paper nature of the walls. Which turned out to be an aphrodisiac. At 2am. When I had to get up at 4am and my internal clock is already straight hosed from the vortex that is west-to-east travel. Speaking of vortexes, I ate at one last night.
Holy shit – can you say tater tots? My friend Kevin is my official guide every time I come to Atlanta and said — beyatch, we are goin’ IN for some tater tots! He scooped me up at the Hotel California and shuttled me off to The Vortex in Midtown. Check out the website (most notable, The Policies, which should be policies in every single business everywhere). The entire environment can only be described as a unexpected clash of Kat Von D learning to cook — with a side of ranch dressing (hell yes, ranch goes on everything in the South). And talk about a business that GETS the power of unpopular (shameless plug alert). I’ll be contacting them shortly to see if they’ll participate in an online case study for the book because the experience was epically badass, not to mention the tater tots came with a GIANT CUP OF CHEESE DIPPING SAUCE.
OMG my arteries are sooooo hard right now.
I’m all over the place. Sorry.
So, I’m going to Birmingham to speak today for the Alabama Social Media Association. My pal Stacey made it all happen, so a huge thanks to him in advance. Also of interest, Stacey and I have been connected through social media for nearly 3 years now, introduced by the force of nature that is Shelly Kramer. rumor has it that I might get to see Dave Griner while I’m in Bham, too. Which is also ossum. This is simply the best part of what I get to do for a living — putting faces to the Twitter avatars because this?
Folks, this is how business gets done.
It doesn’t matter where you are or who you know. What matters is what you do with the relationships in your life. If you’re going to handle things in a Tom Cruise/Demi Moore-clash-type fashion, something’s going to get missed*.
*I searched for 10 minutes for a movie clip of this scene. Seriously — 83 people can pirate you can’t handle the truth but no one can pirate one of the best lines in that movie? Humanity sucks.
Social media isn’t even remotely close to being social anymore. It’s turned into something most people and businesses will only witness. They’ll never jump. They’ll never know what it feels like to have invested the time and emotion into building digital relationships that can be concrete. It’s a shitty, way too slick world of broadcast, broadcast, broadcast when what you really need to do is it down and have some goddamned tater tots with someone you met via Twitter who happened to come through Denver on a business trip and you’ve been friends going on two years all on account of taking a chance on the human race. We think we’re plugging in, but what we’re really doing is doing everything we can to distance ourselves from the one thing that can make a real difference in how we live, breathe, and grow from day to day: people.
So that’s the other reason I’m on a bus. Aside from the fact that it was $187 for a rental car for 3 days versus $13 for a round-trip ticket on the Megabus (whaaaaaaaaaaat?!), I’m here with people. Also of note, I am the only cracker-like white girl on this bus, and that saddens me. Because the bus? Shit. I’m not too good for the bus. I wish the Megabus was in my neck of the woods out Denver way — I’d do a lot more traveling if it were for $13 round trip. Check out the bus. Leave the rental car at the airport. Let someone else drive (and not a Town Car). Because I’ve got free wifi, electrical outlets, and a front-of-bus double decker view of some Southern landscape and it’s balls-out awesome. Doesn’t matter what color your skin is. Get. On. The Bus.
And to wrap this up with a total non sequitur, here’s a little something I typed in an email last night. In retrospect, I’m amazed at how well it came together. The entire conversation stemmed from having sent someone a picture of a pygmy hippopotamus (see photo) and him calling bullshit on the image. He elevated the argument to the Supreme Court (as one often does when it comes to issues surrounding pygmy breeds of wildlife). My response:
Vermillion practitioner does the Snoopy dance, tells Scalia to SUCK IT, and runs through the Halls of Justice yelling, “I AM BATMAN!” waving a gavel.
I don’t know if the words Scalia, “suck it” and Batman have ever been spoken in a single sentence before, but I’m going to stick a flag in that like it’s the goddamned moon.
I’m pretty sure the Halls of Justice are something out of a comic book (maybe that’s the League of Justice), but welcome to my mind.