Perfection Never Gets Invited to Pool Parties

perfection zefrankWhen I wake up in the morning looking for a bag of Oreos and a flashlight to drag into my blanket cave, I know I’m in need of a swift kick in the ass.

I know that the only one who’s going to effectively deliver that kick is me.

But at the same time, I understand that there are a few things and forces that can lift my day up or crush it into a demoralizing heap of honey badger dung:

  • Coffee: I will suckle at your slightly bitter teat until the bottom of the cup or ends of the earth, whichever comes first. You’re a ritual, and I like you best when you smell of pumpkin spice or hints of caramel. And while you are a nasty beast when naked, you look divine when dressed in cream and sugar. You are Red Bull without the urine specimen color. You are 5 Hour Energy but with a work ethic.
  • Those People: I know who you are but I keep letting you hang around. I delude myself into thinking that you lift me up. Silly wabbit, I am, because what you really do is pop in when it’s convenient for you. When you need something. Because I make you feel good. And you take. You take my time, my heart, my emotional strength and you keep them all for yourself. You hide behind the guise of cheer and good intention, when what you truly are is a thief. You’re a want I disguise as a need. You’re chemistry that only leads to a destructive lava flow. You’re replaceable and take up room in my day and heart of which you’re not worthy. And you need to go.
  • Kindness: I kick you around like a cat with the ring from a milk jug on the kitchen floor. You’re a second class citizen when you should be ruling my life by divine right. I shove you aside in favor of the things that do me no good and only tear me down. You deserve more credit and you always cut me slack when I can find none to cut myself. I miss you and I really should invite you inside more often. You feel the same way about coffee as I do — let’s share a cup.

My best ideas never originate from the depths of my soul. They’re inspired by the thoughts, actions, and feelings of others. And today is no different. If you read nothing else than this blog post today and watch nothing besides this video, know that it was all inspired by a reader named Dave who said that this video below seemed like something I would share with my audience.

And he’s right.

Because others know us better than we allow ourselves to know us. And there isn’t an Eminem video on the planet that delivers an ass kicking quite like this.

Here’s to a Wednesday where you make love to your coffee, you tell Those People…nothing…because they haven’t earned your attention, and to inviting kindness inside because as you’ll see below:

We aspire to perfection but it’s a bit of an asshole and no one invites it to pool parties.

37 replies
  1. Sandi Amorim
    Sandi Amorim says:

    OMFG…that was a brilliant wake-up call! So many lines that reached out and grabbed me, but the last one especially…

    God let me enjoy this. Life isn’t just a sequence of things to be done!

  2. Tommy Rector
    Tommy Rector says:

    Damn, girl.  This kicked me in the ass.  I bookmarked it so I can play it often to remind me that I am NOT a shithead.  Or am I?  THX.  You rock.

  3. Doughnut_girl
    Doughnut_girl says:

    Wow. Sometimes you read something and you think, “oh yeah… I agree.” Then other times you read something and it truly resonates with you on a sincere level. Today, it was the latter. Thank you, Erika. So happy I accidently went to the “wrong” session at the Entrepreneur conference in LB a while back. You are such a positive addition to my life 🙂

  4. onnabugeisha
    onnabugeisha says:

    CHEESE MONSTER. Fuck yeah. Thanks for the rad video, lady. The perfect kick in the ass on a day I would much rather make a pillow fort and hide in it with reruns of Star Trek as my only company. 

  5. Janine
    Janine says:

    I’m on vacation at the beach with the big dog, so you wouldn’t think I’d need a kick in the ass. I’ll take it gladly anyway. I should just watch this video every morning. Many thanks!

  6. AmyS
    AmyS says:

    Insanely effective.  Even after going to the website, I have no more than a rudimentary idea of who he is or what he’s doing, but I’m positively driven to find out.

  7. Susan V Kelley
    Susan V Kelley says:

    Oh yeah, only coffee can entice me out of my bed tent.

    About Those People: I wonder if they’re related to Those People of Mine. Slowly I rid myself of them. I’m happily replacing them with silence, silly conversations with myself, kindness for me and Other Kind People.

    Thanks Erika for the laughs, insight and wisdom.

  8. Gwen
    Gwen says:

    And may I greet my future self with the understanding that all I embrace here, in the present, is what will take me to that place where I will live and breathe and fight and scrap my way to a better me…warts and all. 

  9. Craig McBreen
    Craig McBreen says:


    Thanks, Lady! 🙂

    Cheese Monster, huh? Courage is indeed a wild dog. It won’t just come when you call it. Yep.

    “Let’s start this shit up!” K 😉 Love that.

    There is nothing like an Oreo. Always pull ’em apart, just like the kid in the commercial. Thanks for the shot.

  10. JasonFonceca
    JasonFonceca says:

    Awesome stuff, pretty epic, Erika 🙂

    I found the section on “Those People” to be more impactful for me than the video, whatever that means.  I’ve been there, hard, and through it I learned a lot about giving, and transforming destructive relationships.

    So glad to read this today 😀

  11. Amelia
    Amelia says:

    One of my closest friends call this “giving each other a bitch slap” whether it’s in person, over the phone, in an email or a tweet. We all need one every now and then. Thanks. I’m saving this video. I know there will be days when I need to hear it.

  12. Lewis LaLanne aka Nerd #2
    Lewis LaLanne aka Nerd #2 says:

    Seems like it’d be a good idea for everyone to make video of themselves like this in their own words, with their own face that they play upon rising to remind themselves of what is true for them and what is universal truth so that the day begins with love and light in your heart. 

    And for extra credit every night you can crawl under the blanket before going to bed with your oreos and an ipad and watch the video again and let this be the mental nourishment that washes away the fear that the zombies from Walking Dead or their cousins “despair” and “depression” are going to descend upon you and allow this message to serve as a reminder that every lil thing is gon’ be alright.

  13. Peter
    Peter says:

    Fuck. It has been far too long that something has hit and resonated with me like this post and this video. The message came at  a time when I needed to hear it. Thanks.

  14. Ralph Dopping
    Ralph Dopping says:

    Erika, I JUST found Michael’s site via Danny Brown minutes ago.

    Very cool stuff.

    Coffee, those people and kindness, huh? I know some of those people and they need to get out of the way when you are chasing your wild dog.

    Thanks for sharing it…..more.


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