I suck at “passive.” Completely. I’m a doer and live four inches from the flame day in, day out. When faced with a situation that not only knocks you on your ass but changes the way you think – and in an instant – we get a very unwelcomed reminder of our human limits.
Sometimes we simply have to wait and find patience. I’m relatively sure that my patience is somewhere in the basement, packed in some box with kitchenware and knick knacks and the random spider carcass. And even if I went down there and dug around for it, I have no idea what I’d do if I found it. Patience and I haven’t gotten along for quite some time (and frankly, it escapes me why I haven’t eBay’d the fucker already).
The people in our lives are the most precious asset we have. Friends, family, strangers in line…I learn my best lessons from them. And I know why: because they think differently than we do. They can rattle our cages with a facial expression or words and we’re left reeling because…well, because they did. We got surprised. And all on account of the fact that we allowed ourselves to see the world differently, if only for a moment.
This past weekend turned out to be one huge “moment.” A (mis)adventure in dawning recognition that I actually care how something turns out. The realization that I care. Along with the realization that I can’t. Do. Anything. I can’t wave a wand and don’t believe in prayer. I can’t Google the answer. I just have to wait. And I don’t care for it one bit.
Laying in bed last night, I made this list of four things I need to stop doing. Life can change in an instant, and I don’t need any of this useless bullshit on my plate. Maybe your plate will be better off without these things, too:
Don’t – We have no problem creating a laundry list of reasons to NOT do something and we’ll happily add to the list every hour of every day. It’s exhausting, and we could decide to take the jump into DO in an instant.
Shhh – Somewhere along the way, we were told that saying what we feel is uncool. I write when I can’t speak and would probably lose my mind if I didn’t have that outlet. I’d rather live knowing that, when life turns on a dime again, I’ve said everything in my heart to the people who need to hear it.
Yap – When I’m nervous, silence is terrifying. So I fill the gaps with noise. My noise. And sometimes, just being right where you are, saying nothing at all, is enough.
Meh – Movies, books and stories are filled with guys, gals, words and actions that we’re all to willing to say, “If only that could happen to me!” When you sit next to someone who’s given you every ounce of that in spades, stop looking over the fence, around the corner and under the rug. It’s right there, you idiot.
I’m still waiting. Impatiently. But I have a list of things to stop doing until I can actually do something.