Red Head, Warm Heart: Elf Smut 2009

Again, this is NOT my dogNo, there’s no elf smut in here (but I got ya to click!). Welcome to my holiday edition, 2009. Last year’s Red Head/Warm Heart talked about love and tolerance. Always a fine theme, needless to say. This year, I’m talking about some holiday ass kicking. A gift to give to yourself.

Empowerment.

I appreciate my readers, followers, fans – I call you my Pet Monkeys out of pure affection. I can’t think of anything more fun than watching a bunch of monkeys flying through the air, swinging from trees, picking their bee-hinds and flinging poo. It’s like a family reunion, only better! You all allow me to do what I love: write and publish content that encourages dialogue and laughter with a little bit-o-fuck-you thrown in.

So this holiday and in the year coming, why not do the same for yourself?

This holiday season, pick yourself up some elf smut. Workshop naughtiness. Cook up something fantastic outside of Santa’s eyes and set it into action. Hell, turn on the video camera if you want, but get something together that’s been lurking at the back of your brain…and DO.

Give your self the latitude to be successful.

This holiday season:

  • Embrace possibility instead of limitation.
  • Smile a bit more.
  • Frown a bit less.
  • Collaborate instead of segregate – there are enough brilliant ideas to go around.
  • Figure out what YOU bring to the table and serve it up in style.
  • Ask for help, but give even more. Even when you think people don’t deserve it.

And most of all…

Stop fearing the possibility of getting what you always wanted. Self-sabotage is a ninja, lurking around every corner. I say grab that ninja, bend it over the kitchen table and get your elf smut on. When you realize that you can have everything and thwart those who don’t want to see you succeed, your heart settles, business prospers, and you stop having to look for checks in the mail since your Paypal account is filling up.

I’ve had a brilliant year filled with what could have been earth-shattering events. Rather, I bent those ninja elves over the kitchen table. Today, I love my business and my life and the fact that I live – each and every day – exactly what I’ve always wanted to do. I’m on the verge of all I’ve ever wanted and it’s…shit, it’s scary y’know? I can only hope that this holiday, you give a gift to yourself. One of latitude. I think it’s a breadth and depth you’ll enjoy. And if nothing else, I’m hoping I’ve left you with a scathing visual regarding elves, ninjas and kitchen tables to take you through the holiday season.

And Now, The List…

Wendie – who remains my evil twin and co-author in crime. Can’t wait to see you in a few days!

Jodi – who from afar continues to feed my sick sensibilities and make me laugh. Much love to you.

Xavier – who knew we’d end up being friends like this? You’re the meekrat in my zoo.

Cali – for her ongoing success at redirecting drinks through my nose via laughter, ridiculous hash tags and inappropriate remarks. Your friendship has been one of the greatest gifts of this year. My ankle thanks you as well.

Sara L. – for being the voice of reason, the occasional lack thereof, and for letting me watch as you took an incredible leap of faith and gave yourself “latitude.” I adore you and am over the moon that Rabid Love Bunny, Birds & Squirrels and I got to meet you in-person this year. Keep on with you and that new filing system – as everything else will come.

Lisa H. – between you, Cali and Sara, I have so much “girl power” backing me that my cup runneth over. You’re beautiful, tall, talented and witty – a scathing and cherished combination for any man, client or animal lucky enough to have you. I’m delighted John introduced us and even more delighted we’ve become friends.

Rick R. – for pure goodness. Dammit man, you’re just good stuff. Big heart, great laugh, killer smile and a great friend.

Elisa – for connecting, continuing and getting out of the house with me. If we continue to drag one another out, we’ll not only have a social life but get some sun to boot!

Edward B. – for laughter, more real conversation than we’ve ever had, and for fixing that gimp shoulder so we can go climbing. And for forgetting my birthday present every time we get together 😉

My quiz crew: Rich, Chris, and Melanie – you’re the most delightful friends and a veritable cornucopia of useless information. In 2010, we shall triumph…or find a team of ringers whose coattails we can ride to repeated victory.

My Pet Monkeys: Lee T., Darren B., Paul-Baptiste, Terry & Kia, Ted S., Matt G., Grant & Sarah B. (Wondertwin Powers – Activate!), Duffy G., Deb & Dave (@BizCoachDeb & @DarkHeath), Chris Rippe, Josh M., Paul B.,Mykl R., Matt B., my precious @hubbit, @MariKurisato, the @PembaServes crew, @chicksclimbing, Jason & Lisa N. (@visualadventure), seOverflow’s team (Chris and Mike), and so many more — you’re the reason that Twitter IS a constant source of amusement, great info and real conversation. You’re the “social” in social media.

Allen K. – for dedicating his time to the a hugely successful year of Denver Tweetups. We’ve grown from 30-ish to 300-ish. Can’t wait for 2010!

Rick Bakas – for living the dream and embracing latitude…and for some pretty kickass St. Supery wine! I look forward to your 2010, man. Happy holidays and safe travels – Denver will miss you.

Cheryl Wallace – for enduring the pain and for wanting to be so much like me that you had to go and break your foot right after I messed up mine. And to Kate H. for loving you as she does. You both inspire me and I can’t wait to see you over New Years.

Ginger P. & Raquel F. – for being the most giving volunteers the Denver scene has ever seen. You’re bubbly, joy-filled and dammit, pretty to boot!

Doyle A. – we click. I get it. You get it. I thank you. You thank me. Let’s keep that up, shall we? (and you’ve got a kickass wingwoman in Terri, too!)

Andrew Hyde and the entire Ignite Boulder team – you do what others won’t and can’t. Thanks for a great year of Ignite Boulder and I look forward to 2010 and beyond. I fuckin’ love you guys. (Kathy, Larkin, Aaron, Ben…everyone!)

Cara – I’m lucky to have reconnected with you after so many years. You’re beautiful, talented, and so damn funny that there are plenty of days you should write my columns instead of me. Thanks for a great year of DM hilarity and for jewelry that is an endless source of compliments.

Jackie C. – for reconnecting over Facebook and being the coolest Jr. High and High School drama coach evah. You said “vagina” on my Facebook page. This is the stuff or which memories are made.

Mike R. – the driest wit in copywriting I know. For awesome taste in music and your endless ability to suprrise and delight through words.

Paul and Sandy/ToyWithMe.com – you are, without a doubt, the most fun to work for. Thanks for finding me, hounding me, encouraging me and letting me do my thing each and every week. You’re the AA batteries in my toybox 😉

Todd Defren and the SHIFT team – crazy year, but you are the top of the tops. Thanks for the combined talents, individual tolerance, and proving that you’re worth every damn cent across the board.

Flying Dog, Rackhouse Pub, Mike’s Hard, Great Divide – for participating, donating, and encouraging hilarity and frolicking in the Denver community. You rule.

Snafu, Steve N., Cindiman & Amy, Meghan, Harlan – for enduring as kindred outdoor spirits and staying in touch though we’re miles apart.

Ryan – for never making me feel I have to be anyone other than myself and appreciating my collection of t-shirts with lewd sayings. And my f-bombs.

The entire staff at Boulder Indoor Cycling – for helping me spend a shitload of money on pursuing activities that involve a bike with one gear and no brakes.

My readers, commenters, subscribers, fans…without you, I’m a crazy lady with a keyboard.

Happy Kwanzihalloweenieasterfestivmas to everyone. If I didn’t mention you (and you know who you are), thank you as well.

Erika Napoletano (aka The Redhead)

9 comments
The Redhead
The Redhead

Awww, sugar booger - love you, too! #notacookie

The Redhead
The Redhead

Why, thank you! It's a pleasure (both in and out of the bedroom) to be a part of the ToyWithMe.com community :)

The Redhead
The Redhead

I now have a festive image of you two shopping in my head for the holidays. #frolick!

Cali Harris
Cali Harris

It's an honor to be among such greats. I love you.

Tekee
Tekee

I LOVE being a pet monkey!!!! In the words of Steve Martin in The Jerk, "Things are gonna start happening to me now!"

ToyWithMe
ToyWithMe

Thrilled you finally gave in and accepted what was inevitable. We do not take no for an answer. You have done an amazing job as Dear Redhead!!!

Tika Bean
Tika Bean

You're an alright dame.And you've definitely implanted a brilliant vision of a female ninja in my kitchen. I'll have to take Kia costume shopping this weekend... *coughTMIcough*

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    This post was mentioned on Twitter by galen_of_avalon: Heh. Is the elf on a chair or another elf’s shoulders? RT @RedheadWriting Elf Smut: holiday edition of Redhead Writing http://bit.ly/7RMBaA