Snarketing: How to Not Be a F*cktard During the Referral Process

snarketing referralsI don’t know about you, but referrals are the life blood of my business. We’re no longer in a business environment based on cold calls made from smoky cubicles or suitcase-clad pavement pounders. It’s web-based and more importantly, endorsement-based marketing that keep new clients and customers wanting what we have.

While it might seem intuitive to some, others are epic fucktards about the etiquette of the referral process. Snarketing entries are usually reserved for visual representations of poor marketing, this installment is a little Miss Manners for the Referral Impaired.

How to Not be a Fucktard in the Referral Process

  1. When making a referral to someone, it would be nice if the party receiving the referral hit you up with a “Yo – thanks!” They do not OWE you anything. They do not OWE you a reciprocal referral. They do not OWE you lunch. Hell, they don’t even OWE you thanks. Making a referral involves grabbing Karma by the balls. What comes around goes around.
  2. Understand the protocol of the referral. If you’re referring a client to a strategic partner, outline how the relationship will flow. Will YOU manage the relationship? Is it an “open white label” situation? Whose responsibility is billing? Be clear.
  3. If someone gives you a referral to a strategic partner, it’s incredibly douchy to go around the person who referred you and ask this new person if you can “deal with them directly.” What you’re saying is, “Wow – this is awesome and I’m glad to have met this person! I’d sure love to ass rape the person who referred me by seeing if I can cut them out of the deal! YEAH!”
  4. If you ever find a strategic partner with whom you have a referral arrangement cutting you out of the deal or working some side magic/discount pricing on their own, here’s the easiest way to deal:
    1. Let them know that YOU know what they’ve done.
    2. Hire a shady PI to take compromising pictures of that person with a hooker.
    3. Never do business with them again.
    4. Kicking in the nuts/clam is optional (yet highly rewarding).
  5. Karma is a cold hearted bitch, and if you doubt me, go ahead and indulge in any of the asshattery outlined above. 98 pigeons will shit on your freshly-washed car inside of 48 hours.

Here endeth the snark.

29 comments
The Redhead
The Redhead

HAH! Yes, Steve. The corporate sharks could benefit by not eating one another. :) Thanks for stopping by!

The Redhead
The Redhead

Fresh linens in the bathroom closet ;-)

Amanda F.
Amanda F.

I've decided to move in here. This site is so fabulous it makes my teeth hurt.

The Redhead
The Redhead

I'm harmless in dark alleys, in spite of anything that might be written on bathroom walls.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Well, thank you, Joanna. I haven't been a hero in awhile! W00t!

Elysia Brooker
Elysia Brooker

You are definitely a bad ass. I wouldn't want to meet you in a dark alley after a dodgy referral ;-)

Ike Pigott
Ike Pigott

I weep for the non-proverbial nails, who languish in obscurity while the lucky few bathe in gluttonous limelight.

The Redhead
The Redhead

LOL Carol :) I have NO doubt you're able to deliver the requisite KICK all on your own!

Carol Roth
Carol Roth

I adore you, Erika. I wish I had the shady PI advice a few times in the past- duly noted.

The Redhead
The Redhead

The answer? THAT DUDE :) [hi Ben! great to see you...]

bencurnett
bencurnett

The post is awesome, but you really could have just posted that guy's picture. Jesus... who's on the other end of my internets?!

The Redhead
The Redhead

Oh, I do so hope they sweat. Or get leg cramps.

Jeannie Walters
Jeannie Walters

I've seen Karma in action, so I do my best to serve her well. Do these d-bags wake up at night in a cold sweat, ridden with guilt? I like to think so.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Yes ma'am. Karma never forgets. She's an elephant with a photographic memory.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Thanks, Mikel - always great to see you pop in :)

The Redhead
The Redhead

I am here to expand vocabularies worldwide.

Lisa
Lisa

Great points! and ditto on the new words!

Mikel King
Mikel King

Erika,As always you've done a Fantastic Job of hitting the proverbial nail directly on the head!kudos!!!

Sandy
Sandy

Classic. I learned new words here. "Asshattery", "Fucktard". Will try to use both today.

ShellyKramer
ShellyKramer

LOL. This perfectly mirrors our recent conversation, dahlink. Why oh why are people so stupid?? I just don't get it. But Karma, ya gotta love her. She's infinitely meaner than we are, with a longer memory and, frankly, smarter.Great job. As always.

Theninja
Theninja

First, I agree, and I concur and love the way you spelled it out!

Trackbacks

  1. […] that mainly covers social media. But she gets into other stuff, too. Here she colorfully writes about how to handle referrals, a valuable product of being authentic and thinking of others first. Enjoy. March 17th, 2011 […]