The Part Where Facebook Thinks I’m a P0rn Star

Confused Camille Crimson

There’s no argument – I snuggle-up and get real intimate with what might consider to be “adult language” on both my blog and Facebook page. I will never back down from my assertion that the word “fuck” is the most useful word in the English language.

For the past few weeks, however, I’ve gotten a flood (a metric fuckton, if you will) of emails, Facebook messages, and wall posts from readers informing me of the following:

similar 3


And this one:

Similar 2


And perhaps my favorite (surely it’s obvious why):

Similar 1


So today (since we’re so SIMILAR), I’d like to take the opportunity to say hello to Miss Camille Crimson, an adult entertainer out of Canadaland.

Everyone, say hello to Miss Camille!

Screen Shot 2013-10-03 at 1.44.36 PM


Now, Camille’s a pretty hot sandwich and I’m flattered that Facebook thinks were similar.

After all, we are both redheads.

We both have freckles (giggle).

Might I also say that we both respectively have a nice set of boobs?

And we’re both adult industry professionals.


I suppose it really comes (heh – I’m twelve) down to what you define as “adult.”

I mean, I have no doubt Camille’s making a damn fine living (her Facebook page is VERY active). I’m just a columnist for Entrepreneur Magazine, American Express OPEN Forum, and the author of a couple of books. Then there was that TEDx talk a year ago that some folks liked. Some.

Camille seems to have cornered the market on “the art of the blowjob.” Me? I just have no tolerance for the folks who think fucking around is more important than getting shit done. Who knew Facebook’s algorithms were able to make such advanced connections?

So, aside from the glaring similarities that Camille and I share — today, I’m having some fun at Facebook’s expense.

Ya see, this type of “similar to” pairing could happen to your company’s Facebook page as it has mine. If there’s a single word (and I’m betting mine is “redhead”) in your page name that could be targeted by a business or persona that you aren’t particularly keen on being associated with, your audience could see the likes of the lovely Miss Camille Crimson on your “similar to” references on a calendar date coming soon.

Why does this happen? Well, I’ll bet it’s because Miss Crimson is running a Facebook ad campaign targeting certain keywords and interests. And in the Facebook Ad Targeting Tool, she can target me (because my Redhead Writing page comes up in the search box) but I can’t target her page (because hers doesn’t – DAMMIT). How do I know? Because of course, I tried:

like ad targeting

ad targeting biff

It’s also flattering that she likes the Redhead Writing page. (See my update at the bottom of the post about the Facebook ads vs. Facebook’s algorithms…)

So! Back to the fun of it. There’s a ballsy redheaded maven out there targeting my Facebook fans. She’s gorgeous and probably knows WAY more about blow jobs than I ever will. I thought I’d drop by and say hello to her, introduce my audience to her…

And have some fun.

First of all — well played, Miss Crimson. Well played. Your ads are doing the trick. And as a side note, I fully support Miss Crimson’s career choice. I’ll bet that in many circles our brands are equally unpopular. Fuck those people.

As of this morning, I’ve transformed my Facebook page into my version of redheaded porn (which I assure you is more comical than anything). I’m also including a gallery of pictures here that didn’t make the final cut (they will also be on the Facebook page once I hit publish here). I’d like to thank my friend Erin for coming over to my house ON HER BIRTHDAY to take semi-naked pictures of me.

erin email


The bottom line is — if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. And have fun doing it.

dog kiss wide eyes maniacal Hippo decided to be in the photo shoot tongue Show stealer. It's STILL all about her. cover image nekkid dog


Quick update (8:55am MT): Camille (a very lovely lady) contacted me and said she’s NOT running Facebook ads. So yeah — this is all the work of Facebook’s awesome algorithms. They’re drunk. How awesome is that?!

The Bitch Slap: Breeding a Culture of Lazy and Rude

bitch slap lazy rudeI’m 39-years-old. I remember scratching-out writing practice exercises on Big Chief paper tablets that always seemed fit to rip out from under your pencil tip at the exact moment you could properly create a letter Q. I remember the day my mother came home with our first Atari computer (you know, the one without actual keys – it was a giant touch pad that never worked right after the first month). The brick that was our first modem? I remember getting reamed when it accidentally crashed to the floor while my brother and I were playing the classic text-based Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy game on our brand-new Commodore 64.

And I’m acknowledging that the men reading this post right now either have a hard on or are utterly repulsed by my most prominent childhood memories.

I also remember the day I got my first email address. It was 1998 – I’d just fallen in love with the man who would become my second husband. An entirely lovely man named Scot – a Naval officer stationed in Japan. He was headed back to Japan and I wanted a way to stay in touch. He suggested email.

Email? Shit. I didn’t really know what it was. So I called my mom and asked her: How do I get an email address? PRESTO! My mother to the rescue (she’s a career senior systems analyst and has built every computer I’ve ever owned up until I defected to The Dark Side aka Apple products in 2010). I was set up with a Hotmail address in no time and was communicating over thousands of miles with the man I loved. Sickeningly sweet, yet needs must and this was my first foray into the digital communication age.

Hello, 2012

Today, I live in a digital world. I’m tethered to  , plugged into Twitter and Facebook. I think Path’s UI is so sexy that I’d be willing to give it a handjob if it were remotely possible. I’ve got folks on LinkedIn, three email accounts, and a PO box that only gets the good stuff: checks from clients and my subscriptions to Rolling Stone and Entrepreneur Magazines.

Back in December, I took issue with the way a few of my friends (actual friends – not imagines digital ones) were conducting discourse on my personal Facebook profile. That incident led to a jettisoning of over 240 people from my “friends” list. And this week, my friend Merredith and readers Annie and Brian from my Facebook fan page have reinforced something I’ve been feeling for quite some time: through all of this digital communication, we’re breeding a culture of lazy and rude.

And it’s time for a slap.

It’s Apalling

The way we communicate these days – and the vehicles we choose to deliver certain messages even moreso. Back when I published the post that got Facebook to rate-limit my hosting company aka Is Facebook Hiding Your Messages? , the comments section was filled with tales from people who had received Facebook messages informing them that a relative or friend had died. Just yesterday, a long-time reader shared that his two-year girlfriend decided that a Facebook message was the most appropriate way to break-up with him (and I know that’s not the first time).

Fucking seriously?

While I understand that we all don’t have everyone’s phone number, there are certain events in this life that warrant a bit more emotional commitment (and balls, quite frankly) to deliver than a Facebook message. Or even a text for that matter. Jesus on toast – where do I begin with the text messaging?

The Wall Our Fingers Built

What better excuse have we as a culture had to unplug from the emotional aspects of human interaction than the rise of text messaging? While inarguably convenient for sharing short, concise messages, I’ll just offer this example for the complete detachment of onus – thanks to text messaging.

Back in November and December, I’d gone on a few dates with someone whose company I enjoyed. Fun, intelligent, attractive – yet seemingly completely incapable (or unwilling) to pick up the phone. The day after a rather awkward lunch date where I felt like I’d been crammed into an opening in his schedule as opposed to someone that was a pleasure to make time for (it ended up being my birthday, coincidentally), I received a three-window text message from him explaining that he thinks I’m swell but just not what he’s looking for in a relationship but he’d be more than happy to accompany me as a date to any professional functions I might need to attend that I felt might interest him (blah-blah-blah).

First off, there’s no arguing that we shared the same sentiment.

Secondly, it took him three windows on my iPhone to explain this to me.

Third, that text was sent to my phone number.

Finally, we won’t go into the skewed logic that given this display of failure to engage that I would even consider him as someone with whom I’d care to present as some sort of partner in public – but hey…thanks for taking pity on a single gal.

When did we forget that there are human beings on the other end of the messages that our fingers so furiously type on impossibly small screens on device with capabilities of similar impossibilities?

I feel that a significant portion of what’s going wrong in this world is a byproduct of what we’ve come to accept as acceptable in the realm of communication.

I’m Growing Detachment in My Digital Laboratory – Care to Step Inside?

There’s an exchange from a favorite feel-good movie of mine, You’ve Got Mail, that sums it up best.

Joe Fox: It wasn’t… personal.

Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn’t personal to you. But it was personal to me. It’s personal to a lot of people. And what’s so wrong with being personal, anyway?

Joe Fox: Uh, nothing.

Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.

Personal. Communication between human beings – especially between ones whom we consider friends, lovers, and treasured colleagues – used to be overwhelmingly personal. Folks had to sit down and write letters. Pick up the phone. God forbid, drop by a friend’s house with a bottle of scotch or a bundt cake when the shit had really hit the fan. Our current age of digital communication has somehow granted permission (and falsely) for us to treat everyone with the same casual disregard and borderline contempt as the jackass on the sidewalk in front of us who doesn’t understand that we’re trying to get somewhere and can’t seem to step it up a notch.

And that’s no way to treat people.

We’re continuously cultivating a garden of detachment through all of these digital means of communication. We’ve become entirely lazy when it comes to the emotional commitment it takes to cultivate relationships (of any sort) and instead, accepted that sending a text/email/Facebook message is an appropriate way to develop a connection – and at our worst, unplug completely.

What happened to the adolescent anticipation we felt waiting for the phone to ring? Where did we lose the excitement we felt when we saw the flag down on the mailbox which told us we could run outside to see what stamped-and-canceled treasures lay inside? But more importantly, what happened to the stark honesty it takes to use our voices and share what needs sharing – over the phone or (god forbid) in person?

So Let’s Talk About Facebook For a Moment, Shall We?

It’s an election year. Lines have been drawn in the sand and friends and foes alike aren’t too ashamed of spouting off on what they think and feel. But when did Facebook’s invitation to Write something become license for assholian behavior of incomprehensible levels?

I’ll say that it has a lot to do with the total perversion of our collective definition of “friend.”

On my Facebook fan page and blog comments alike – I have but one rule: you can say whatever you feel needs saying and in the vernacular of your choice, but you will do it with respect, goddammit.

And we need a severe infusion of Aretha Franklin up in this joint, because R-E-S-P-E-C-T has gone right out the window by and large in the Land of Facebook.

The Land of Facebook isn’t some mythical place where we can say whatever the fuck we want on other people’s walls without consequence. Facebook is a tool that supposed to help us develop relationships with more people than we ever thought possible. And there’s a reason that our connections on our personal pages are called “friends.” We’ve forgotten that the audience on Facebook is vast – and that most of the time when interacting with friends, we’re putting our thoughts up for review to their audience not ours. Stop and think for one frog’s fine ass hair-sized moment whether you’re acting like a dick.

Facebook doesn’t offer anyone a cloak of invisibility. Start conducting yourself as if the people who were seeing the shit you post and spew were standing right in front of you – and were able to throttle you (or even hug you). There is nothing I post on my personal OR fan page that I wouldn’t say live – and that’s because that while RedheadWriting might be part persona, I know that people keep coming back to read for the person behind her.

There’s a person behind every word you see on Facebook. Including you. And there’s no excuse for the lack of respect that’s plaguing the walls and pages across this great digital tool that’s supposed to fun – yet as of late, has become exhausting for many.

And So We Come Back to Humans…

We’re breeding this culture of lazy and rude – each of us play a role. We continue the email thread, we reply to the text message, we drop what we’re doing to reply to a Facebook thread when we should be doing shit that runs our respective businesses. We type things with knee-jerk reactions, we use language we wouldn’t use in front of someone we respect and love, and we think that people don’t have a right to be heard because we’re the letter of the law and can’t possibly be bothered with ideas other than our own.

We stare at our phones with contempt when they have the fucking audacity to ring.

What happened to the humans in all of this?

I’ve been smacked down by friends on more than one occasion for using a digital crutch to communicate – especially when the device also acted as a phone. And so today, I’m passing that smack on to you.

Things should begin by being personal – whatever they are. As even the smallest business decisions elicit an emotional response. I’ll speculate that there’s a special circle of hell that Dante would allocate to those who feel that digital communication is the best way to break up with a lover, end a business relationship, or otherwise take an arm’s length distance from the message that needs conveying.

I understand that we all communicate differently. I’m a writer, for fuck sake – this post is nearly 1900 words. Digital communication allows us to be extremely efficient in many cases and we’re endlessly frustrated when the batteries in our phones and laptops die, putting a crimp in our nonstop pursuit of productivity.

But never forget – with all of the blessings and mind-blowing innovations of digital technology that humans eventually run out of batteries, too.

And wouldn’t it be especially splendid if, when that time came, we felt that we’d used our own batteries to plug into the people who matter most in our lives with every ounce of energy we had, instead of being lazy and letting technology create our memories for us?

You’ve been slapped.

How to Rescue Messages from Facebook’s “Other” Inbox

rescue facebook other messagesLast week’s post on Facebook’s “other” messages has since been picked up by SlateLifehacker, and ZDNet, making hundreds of thousands of Facebook users aware of this “mystery inbox.” Across all of the reports, people are talking about missing messages containing:

  • Interviews
  • Job offers
  • Performance gigs
  • Family members trying to reconnect
  • Prizes (legit) won and claims expired
  • Deaths
  • Serious illnesses

And the bitch of it all? Those with Facebook brand pages were finding that their messages had been summarily dismissed into the Other Messages purgatory (a chasm filled with fire-breathing penguins and an inherently high population of Russian call girls). Across all of the outlets cited above (including this blog), there was a question that remains unanswered:

How the $%^*&((# do I rescue messages from certain people/brands from the circle of hell that Dante didn’t even know existed: the Others folder?

Today, we’re going to make it happen.

As a pre-emptive note to any writers and bloggers who feel that they want to “paraphrase” this post on their website without due credit, check this out, yo. I really wish I didn’t have to put this message in here.

How to Choose Which Facebook Messages Go Into Messages and Other

First, I wish it were as easy as checking a box or Facebook actually having a useable UI that allowed you to easily make this choice. Alas, it’s Facebook. We choose to use it, we are its bitch. We must accept the fact that we are Users and Data Sources, and not really the intended audience. Thus we must MacGyver together a solution. Let’s roll.

Here’s a snapshot of my Facebook Other Messages inbox.

Facebook Other Messages Brand Pages 1

And here I am thinking – DANG! I sure would have liked to get that message from The Subdudes (do not judge my musical tastes) into my actual Messages folder so that I had an ice cube’s chance in hell of seeing it.

Step #1: Click on the Message you want to rescue. There is no screenshot for this. Use The Force, Luke.

Step #2: Access the Actions tab

Facebook Other Messages 2

Step #3: Select “Move to Messages” (collective GASP)

Facebook Other Messages 3

And ka-POW! Messages from that person or brand page will now land in your Messages folder instead of the chasm filled with hookers and fire-breathing penguins.

But Erika – is there an easier way to do this when I fan a brand page? Surely…

Yeah, well, surely there isn’t. If anyone has a hack, I’m happy to hear it. You would think that with all of the snazzy changes Facebook keeps making, they’d add some basic functionality to their “social inbox” that lets us, the users (and the reason their actual customers pay them a metric ton of money), use the site on a deeper level. But it’s Facebook. We take the evil with the eviler and find hacks like these that are as unintuitive as a set of furniture instructions from IKEA. But they’re hacks. And they work. So we deal.

And as a bonus, I recently had to deal with the whoospie that I’d let a boatload of people become my Facebook friends that didn’t really need to be in my inner sanctum. One of my Twitter folk, Brent Terrazas turned me on to a browser extension called Grease Monkey FacebookDeletes that allows you to bulk select friends to delete. It works like a charm (zapped 204 people into oblivion) and if you’re due for a Facebook friend purge, it’s a one-click installation and should take you 10 minutes max to tighten your circles down to a manageable level. The extension works on Chrome, Firefox, and I believe IE. Note: Be sure to read the instructions for the script, as you’re supposed to check the friends you want to KEEP. Getting it reversed could be bad ju ju.

A special note for those who run Brand pages: Since your messages are summarily dismissed to the “Other Messages” file for new fans, wouldn’t it be cool to let new fans know about this “glitch?” Create a blog post that you can post on your wall every now and again that addresses this issue so that your fans can get the messages they want in their inboxes? It’s traffic to both your website AND the things your fans on Facebook need to know most. Link them to this post, create a how-to of your own. Your audience will love you for the help.

Is Facebook Hiding Your Messages?

After last Monday’s post filled with Facebook shenanigans, I guess I should have suspected that said shenanigans would continue until I got around to purging my friends list. I’ve been busy. Living. Working. Haven’t done that shit yet. And well, here’s the tasty nugget I woke up to in my Facebook Messages inbox on Monday morning:

Here’s a slow motion replay of my reactions:

  1. WTF?!
  2. WHO is this?
  3. HOW is this guy a Facebook friend since I don’t know who he is?
  4. WHAT on earth is this dude talking about?
  5. Thanks for insulting me and determining of what I am worthy. Saves me the time and effort. Cause apparently, I’m a BITCH. A bitch who has NO idea what you’re talking about.

So, owning the fact that I’m a complete, disrespectful Evil Lady Who Ignores Facebook Messages – especially ones from people I don’t know who are apparently (and unbeknownst to me) interested in me in some sort of social/romantic manner – I decided to dig into the issue.

As The Facebook Turns – No More Message Notifications

Since Facebook went through its gazillionth change in the past year, I found myself not receiving any notifications of messages and few relating to comments. I was actually pretty delighted for the decreased email volume. So, to see what Mr. Disgruntled was talking about, I took my Evil Lady Who Ignores Facebook Messages self over to Facebook.

Here’s what I see, probably like you when I click on my Messages icon:

I don’t know about you, but I see FIVE messages. If they appear to be unread, I click through and read the unread messages from this window. Given that I can receive up to 20 Facebook messages a day on occasion, if you’re not showing up in this “fast five,” I ain’t gonna see ya.

I scrolled up Mr. Disguntled’s message feed to me and, indeed, he had asked me on November 28 if I’d like to go grab coffee sometime. Prior to that, we’d even shared a 4 or 5 line Facebook chat conversation in early November regarding…the weather. Given that I am ice cube-chance-in-hell visible on Chat, it’s not surprising that I’d forgotten about this exchange. So yeah – he’d asked me to coffee. Sent me a few links. None of which I’d seen. He happened to be friends with a few of my close friends here in Denver, which could explain why he got through my Firewall of Friendship.

But more importantly – how many other messages was Facebook hiding from me with their new notification system?!

Digging Deeper – The “Others”

So, I posted something on my PERSONAL Facebook wall about not getting message and comment notifications and my dear friend Colleen chimed in with – ummm…do you know about “Other” messages?

I’m like – what OTHER messages?

And she showed me. Just like I’m going to show you.

Go to your Home Page on Facebook. Click on Messages in the left hand sidebar. When you do that, something mysterious happens…you’re introduced to The Others.

When I clicked on that Monday morning, I had 58 messages swimming around in there. People I’ve shown this trick over the past two days have had numbers ranging from the 20s to over 100, and some dating back to the beginning of the year.

Now, if you’re running a brand page and trying to figure out why responses to your Events are down, this is why. Most brand page events go into The Others folder, just like the shitty movie starring Nicole Kidman goes into the bargain bin of DVDs at the grocery store. (Who buys DVDs at the grocery store anyways?)

In those Other messages were notes from readers of my blog and invitations to events that I would have really liked to have attended. (There was also the unread/unseen invitation to join the gentleman above for coffee.)

How could I stop these messages from going into Facebook’s sneaky, inconvenient Information Purgatory in the future?

The Answer: Reclaim Your Facebook Notifications

If I’m going to have passive-agressive missives flung in my direction, I want to be fully in control and conscious of the behavior that’s inspiring said missives. I also want to be participating, dammit. So I went into the Facebook Account Settings and I’m going to guide YOU through how to get those Message and other notifications back that Facebook mysteriously took away.

Step #1: Top Right Hand Side of Your Facebook Page

Step #2: Top Left Hand Side of the Next Page


Step #4: Set Your Notifications

Scroll down the page until you see the Notifications section. You can click on each of the headings (Facebook – where you’ll find your Message notifications – is shown here) and set up the type of emails you want to receive.

No More Hide-And-Seek With Facebook Messages!

So, it would appear that I’m not necessarily the Evil Lady Who Ignores Facebook Messages after all. Facebook’s bogarted all of our notification settings and it’s up to us to reclaim them. And The Others? Hells bells. Go ahead and tell me how many messages you have in your Others folder. I have a nifty, wintery prize for the person with the most! Caveat: you have to upload a screen shot showing your profile name AND the message bubble to the right side of the Others line.

Now, this weekend, I’ll be doing that (apparently) much-needed Facebook Friends purge, as one of my true friends would have rattled my cage in other ways if I’d been ignoring them, as they’d know it was completely inadvertent. And for the record, the gentleman in question appears to have blocked me on Facebook, so I couldn’t even send him a message explaining the scenario.

The next time you assume someone is ignoring you, one of two things is most certainly true:

Option 1: They are ignoring your messages.


Option 2: They’re victim to Facebook’s definition of “important” and really have no fucking clue that you dropped them a line.

In my case? Option 2 prevailed.

Happy Facebook Notifications Reclamation Day!


The Bitch Slap: Blinding Audacity

social media audacityHi…yeah – is Bullshit in? No, It’s okay. I’ll hold.

Bullshit always keeps you on hold, doesn’t it?

The lines of communication propriety have become inarguably blurred by technology. I addressed this awhile back in a diatribe/personal memoir on online stalking, but think it bears repeating in a slappier tone. So let me rack my Bitch Slapping hand like a shotgun and say this:

Our audacity is blinding.

The social web is a brilliant tool. If used wisely, it offers greater insight into those people who matter to us most. Friends, family, colleagues, customers and clients all now have the opportunity to share their lives to any degree they see fit – from conspicuous absence to annoying overshare and every iteration in between. But here’s the rub: just because you can see someone online doesn’t mean you know them. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have access to them.

I don’t know about you, but the level of faux-social intimacy bullshit I deal with every day is astronomical. There’s nothing I adore more than a personal note from a reader or having the opportunity to answer a question for anyone who asks, but my social networks are becoming overrun with people who think they know me. Well, ya don’t. Here’s what you know about Erika: the persona. There are a select group of people in the Inner Sanctum, the ‘hood. But the rest? You’re standing outside singing “How Much is That Doggie in the Window?” and looking at an Irish Setter.

I know I’m not the only one who deals with this, so before I go from Erika to see-you-next-Tuesday in five paragraphs flat, let’s get to some common sense rules for the social web. These are my rules and perhaps not yours, but I think much of it is common sense. Let’s take a spin on the Train to Communication Propriety and stop this epically fucked devolutionary process back to knuckle dragging Neanderthals that club Jane on the head and drag her back into the cave so we can sneak a look at her Facebook profile when no one’s looking.

Text Messaging

If you get someone’s phone number, that’s a pretty coveted thing these days. Don’t blow up their phone with multi-part text messages. If it takes more than two texts to get your point across, pick up the goddamn phone and have a 30-second conversation. For fuck sake, if your fingers work to text, they work to dial. And yes, I am occasionally just as guilty of this as anyone else. Texts are great for where are you, what time, which brand of ketchup do you want? queries, but they suck ass for dialogue. Dial. The. Phone.

Facebook Profiles

I’ve been pretty lax with this but that’s about to change. My personal Facebook profile is for my family and friends. If I haven’t met you IRL (In Real Life), do you really need to see the pics of me and my girlfriends having dinner? No. Because that’s personal and requires a certain level of intimacy. I love connecting with my readers and hearing their stories and truly respect anyone who sends me a friend request with a clarification on how I know them. Just ask one of my besties, Merredith – I’d met her at a conference and was knee deep in shit, couldn’t remember and even denied HER friend request on Facebook. Alas, I’ve also now spent last Thanksgiving and Christmas at her family’s house. I also know quite a few people who use their personal Facebook profiles for their business colleagues and communications as well. That’s fine. That’s your decision.

But the moral is this: understand what you’re doing. Think about what you’re asking when you click “Add to Friends” on Facebook. It’s a pretty big level of ask. It’s not just a button. I built a Facebook Fan Page so people could reach Erika without seeing the things that really aren’t quite their business. And the same goes for you – you probably don’t think I need to see the pictures of your daughter’s birthday party or your brand of political rants. If someone you see online offers a link to their Fan Page on their blog, but not a link to their personal profile (ahem…coughs…points), maybe there’s a reason. It’s pretty audacious to ask to be let into someone’s personal life. Just think of who you’d let inside the front door of your house – any yahoo selling magazines or the person you share three yoga classes and carpools with each week? Methinks yoga person wins out.

Relationships Are Earned

This digital access we enjoy – it makes things way too easy. With a Google search, we can find most anyone and the only way to avoid being found is to stop putting it out there. But we should never forget that relationships are earned. Just as flinging a business card at someone doesn’t mean you’ll get them as a client, seeing someone online doesn’t mean you know them. Relationships built over the social web take time and nurturing, just as with any in-person relationship. Why should anyone “be your friend” after exchanging a few blog comments or tweets? After shaking your hand at a conference? I think a good rule of thumb is this: if you’d invite the person to a dinner party where you could only have 20 guests, would you invite them? Granted, the parties are different for both business and your personal life – you have to be the one who decides the boundaries – but we only have so much bandwidth.

Use your bandwidth wisely. Take the time to bask in deeper relationships instead of skipping rock after rock across the surface of human interaction. Stop collecting people in your personal life. In my eyes, I need a select group of incredible relationships, not a plethora of mediocre ones that detract from the time I can spend on the ones I truly want to nurture.

The Desire to Connect – Go Forth and Don’t Be a Douche

We want to feel connected and now we have all of these buttons (Like, Digg, Stumble, Reddit, Add to Friends, Follow, Buy) that give the illusion of connection – but how are we truly connected? When the shit goes down (as it has on this blog), who’s going to be there and have your back? Who’s going to notice if you’re gone?

More importantly – who will YOU notice when they’re gone and reach out to help when needs must?

My readers – you – you’re the reason I get to do what I love. You make me laugh, you’ve been there when all hell’s broken loose. And many of you have come to be my friends and I hope I get to meet each of you one day. I never expected to be invited to your weddings and I don’t know your parents. I only know the persona – what you choose to share with me. And I respect that. How can we change the culture of People Collecting into one where we keep building relationships, but on different levels? I treasure that I’ve earned each of you coming back, post after post. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. But no offense – I don’t really need you to listen in while I chat with my mom, y’know?

So, you’ve been slapped. And I have, too. Enough with the over-asking and false senses of familiarity because a button says we can have it with a click. It’s time for me to rethink just clicking a button and consider what those clicks mean. I tell my clients all the time: it’s not how many fans you have on the boat – it’s how many who would jump in to save you when the shit goes down. Even the Titanic had a max capacity, y’know?

How to Add Your Fan Page as Your Employer on Your Personal Facebook Profile

Ultimate Facebook Cheat SheetToday’s guest post is by Michelle Mangen, possibly one of the best Virtual Assistants in the universe. She’s savvy in everything from social media to bookkeeping and can be found online at Your Virtual Assistant as well as on Twitter.

As is typical with Facebook there have been a lot of changes taking place recently. Some time ago we were given the option to “upgrade” to the new personal profile layout. (Note: it may now be required)  Among the many differences in the new layout there are two things you may want to change as soon as possible.

  1. Linking Your Fan Page to Your Personal Profile
  2. Editing Your News Feed Items to Show All Friends and Fan Page Updates

By default Facebook apparently “set up” a new fan page if you previously had a company name listed in your profile as “employer”.  If you don’t change this potential “fans” will be going to the wrong destination.  Do your potential clients and fans a favor and set that link to go to your true page.

In this photo anyone who clicks on “Your Virtual Assistant” will be directed to my actual fan page and not the non-existent page that Facebook created.

FB pan Page Employee 1

You may be one of the lucky ones who can easily add your page by tagging it with @Your Fan Page Name. I was one of the lucky ones. All of my clients haven’t been so lucky….if you are one of those who can’t get your Fan Page to connect by simply tagging it these instructions are for you.

These instructions will only work with the Web Developer Add-On for FireFox or Chrome. Before completing the steps below download this tool for your browser from the appropriate link above and install as necessary.

  1. Go to your Fan Page and copy the Page ID (a long set of numbers at the very end of your Fan Page URL)
  2. Open a separate window with your personal Facebook profile>Edit Profile>Education and Work
  3. Type your fan page name into the employer box ~ don’t be alarmed that it brings up the wrong page
  4. From the Web Developer extension that you installed open the option that reads “Forms” and then “Display Form Details”
  5. Enter the Page ID that you copied from Step 1 into the “employer ID boxes” (NOTE: your page will look different than mine because my Facebook profile attached by simply tagging my fan page name but the picture below will give you a general idea …just be sure to add your page ID to the fields that indicate “employer ID”.
  6. When finished adding in your Page ID into the employer ID fields click save changes at the bottom of the page.
  7. You can now turn off the Web Developer “Display Forms Detail” option and you should see your fan page connected to your personal profile complete with your fan page photo.
  8. Go back to your personal profile and test the link to assure it’s correct.

Congrats on linking up your Facebook fan page to your personal profile!

You may also want to change Item #2 mentioned above. With the massive changes that took place the week of Feb. 6, 2011 your news feed has changed to only show updates from recent interactions you have had with fan pages and friends. If you’d like to show all updates and not limit yourself to only those you’ve interacted recently there is one simple step you have to take.

  1. Select “News Feed” from your home page
  2. Scroll to the very bottom of your news feed page and select “Edit Options”
  3. By default the recent changes are set at “Friends and Pages you Interact with Most” — change this to the other option “All of Your Friends and Pages”
  4. Save