Wah, wah, wah. I can’t make any money. Nobody wants to hire me. I can’t find a job. Sack up.
If you spent as much time and energy doing something about your business (and your life that “sucks”) as you do complaining, you might actually get somewhere.
And before you go off on me for giving you a “sack up,” I get that life sucks sometimes. I understand the cold, lonely abyss that a heart and mind can fall into. Hell, if you bought a ticket to my heart and dreams lately, you’d think you were seeing a much better made version of Saw 2.
So don’t hand me comments about how I don’t get it. How your situation is different. How it’s someone else’s fault. Own up to the fact that everything you want in your life and business (save the heartbreaking bullshit that the universe hands us that’s unfair, inexplicable and rapes your soul) is yours for the taking. And I’m going to tell you the six reasons why your business (and maybe your life) are bullshit.
Reason #1: “I don’t make enough money!”
This one is precious. Because recently, I had the gift of knowing someone who did whatever it took to earn a living. Making new connections, taking a part-time job. You’d never know unless you asked him. And if you asked him, he told you why. If you need to make more money, make it happen. I guarantee that every day, you walk into at least one establishment with a “Help Wanted” sign in the window. And for the record – it’s the holiday season. EVERYBODY is hiring.
Reason #2: “I can’t afford it.”
Why not? Because you treat your bank account like a personal piggy bank? Because you think saving money is hard? If you’re reading my blog, you have a computer. Maybe that’s on your credit card. Stop paying other people to use your money and start getting paid for the privilege of keeping your money somewhere. Last week I learned about Kasasa – have a look. Spend money on your terms and they take care of the saving part.
Reason #3: “People don’t want to hire me.”
Of course they don’t. Nobody wants to hire a whiny little bitch. So why don’t you start asking the tough question: WHY? If you can figure out WHY nobody wants to hire you, aren’t you on the path towards a solution? Ask someone to look at your resume. I sat down with someone just this past Sunday who wants to work in the advertising and marketing industry and shredded her resume – but in a good way. And you know what? She emailed me and was proactive for WEEKS until I had a Sunday afternoon that fit both our schedules to meet. And I’ll offer you this: if you want me to take a look at YOUR resume, I’ll do it for free. Just drop me a line on my contact form. It’s that simple. (and please put RESUME REVIEW in the subject line on the form). Take the little things out of the equation and start asking the tough questions, because only YOU are keeping yourself from getting a new and better gig.
Reason #4: “He/She needs to apologize.”
This is crap. If you find yourself in the position that you no longer have that person in your life because life had other plans for their term on this mortal coil, you’re going to be eating one big heaping plate of regret. Swallow your pride. Be kind. Say you’re sorry. Open a conversation. And yes, there are some people there’s no talking to – I get that. So if you can live for the rest of your life knowing that if that person died tomorrow and you’d have nothing left to say to them, there ya go. If you feel otherwise, why are you still here reading? You’ve got a soul that belongs in your life. Go get it. And be humble about it.
Reason #5: “I don’t have time.”
Complete and total bullshit of epic proportions. You make the time for what’s important. You know it, I know it. Your manicurist and massage therapist even know it. And I’ll ask you: if the people you cared for in your life weren’t here tomorrow because this fucked up universe decided it had other plans, would you have made the right decisions? Would that project have been worth getting up to finish at 5am so you could drive to someone’s house to give them a hug at 8pm the night before? Time is a grand excuse and we use it in the lamest fashion.
Reason #6: “It’s his/her/their fault.”
No, it’s not. It’s yours. And yes, there is serious shit in life we can’t control, but if you stop wasting energy on blaming other people for what you could be focusing energy on changing…I dunno. Maybe some shit would get done. Blame is a huge black hole for energy in your life and I understand (all too well) how blame can actually save your soul during parts of the grieving and loss process. It helps to have people and things to blame. But I think it passes. And I know I feel better when I take that blame energy and create something instead of feeding a black hole that will never give me anything, especially the things I want most. It’s no one else’s fault in most cases. Start creating things. Stop wasting your soul on people and things not worth your energy. Build, stop tearing down. Love and ditch the “he’s a motherfucker” routine. It takes more energy to blame, hate and exclude than it does to take a deep breath and take the first step towards creating something from your heart. Blame is up there with the Oulda Sisters (Shoulda, Coulda and Woulda). Stark raving assholes, all of them.
You can use situations as excuses or catalysts. What will you choose today?
Ha, I love this. So glad I discovered you. Whenever someone says "I can't find a job", what they're really saying is "I can't find a job that I think is good enough for me". If you can't find the opportunities you want it's probably time to make your own.
Everything old is new again and how nice it is to still live in a country ( for now, anyway) where we can put these thoughts into ledgible sentences.
I avoided this link in my timeline assuming it was going to suck. It didn't. I couldn't agree with you more and I wish more people had this level of personal culpability. Cheers to you, and thanks for the chuckle (whiny little bitch got me).
I really loved your post!! yeah, yeah, yeah..I think young generation (or all people) should learn not blame other and move on. Be more responsible and have a courage to pursue their dream instead of whining and just doing nothing. Thanks :D
I've never been Cleaver-esque in content or delivery for work or personal issues. But I'm wondering, would it be terribly wrong to direct my 17 year old son to this post? Hmmmmmm
I must be honest, I expected to read this post and think, "GAH. I'm doing every single one." (I am disproportionately critical of myself. So says the therapist.) I was shocked to see that when I really took the time to think about things, that I'm not doing any of them. I guess I've finally found the silver lining to the shitstorm that was 2010. I learned that life is too damn short to be wasting time on things like these. So, thank you my feisty interweb friend.
This. Is brilliance. Now, if only the people who really needed to hear it actually *could*. ;-) You might love this gal: http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Irreverent-Sales-Girl/231705022280
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! One of my primary rules in life is NO victims. I won't friend them, date them or even coach them. If we can't own our issues we will never change them. Ever. Thanks for your words tossed with a dash of sass which I so love. xoxo
I bet everyone has used at least one of these 'excuses' at some point - oh if only I had more time....!
Can't get ahead in life if all you keep doing is making excuses. Period! As Yoda once said: "Do or do not. There is no try" Stop making excuses and execute.
Why, thank you! That's a wonderful compliment and I'm glad you stopped by today. And time - yeah, that's a lame one, isn't it? :)
I take responsibility for the fact that my bank account is hit HARD every month because I color my hair every 5 weeks. It's expensive as shit but mama needs to keep her ginger locks fire engine red. I take responsibility! I am Spartacus.
Love this. I read resumes from people that have been out of a job for months, years and do not call them in for an interview for this very reason. I am the type of person that if things were so bad and the only thing available was flippin burgers, I would be flippin burgers.
Sometimes we just need a kick in the pants like this. Its time to put on the big girl panties and start working hard, instead of hardly working. Thanks for telling it like it is.
Welcome to the site, Barbara. Delighted to have you. And keep that hat on - it looks good on you ;-)
Send me that resume. I hav 4 in my queue and will have them ALL reviewed by end of day TOMORROW. You're a priority to ME, Karen :)
G'Day Erika, A couple more for you......"I know how you feel." Usually stated with the best of intentions but little regard for accuracy... and, "You leave me no alternative." Not only is this almost always a blatant lie, it always precedes some action that the speaker's going to relish taking that "seriously disadvantages" the person it's said to. It's fun being human isn't it? Regards Leon
My favorite is the 2nd sentence under #3. I'm unemployed but as of yet I don't think I've been a whiny little b about it. I have realized lately that i need to come up with some new strategys instead of relying on old methods that don't work. I may take you up on the resume review. I do realize that because of your schedule, reviewing a resume of someone you don't know that well is a low priority item. Anyway, great posting, Erica!
Great advice, and something a lot of people need to hear. It's a bitch slap I even need to remind myself of from time to time. I've taken you up on your offer and submitted a resume review as well. I await your shredding. :-)
I'm new to your site/rants but gotta tell you I'm a fan for life with this one!! Thanks for putting into words what needs to be said. I'm passing along my "NO EXCUSES" hat to you (really, I have one, somewhere) ...you deserve to wear the crown!!
Amen sistah! Tell it like it is! There are very few situations where one cannot take steps to making goals/dreams a reality. And those situations are usually so extreme that if we do find ourselves in them, only then does it become apparent that we had everything all along.
And if only professors could actually TELL students, "No, it's just that you're fucking LAZY." Imagine what the truth could produce :)
Thank you. And nothing made me happier today than reading THIS. And I hope you are enjoying your new road. Will you let me know if I can be of any assistance?
Oh, you think you're so thorough, don't you? But where's #7: Waiting for the little elves? That damn Elves and the Shoemaker fairy tale gets me hung up more times than I can count. I want elves. I cannot do it without them. (ducking from your next slap)
Ooof! Smack! Bang!... Is it safe in here? :) And cutting right to the bone is...Erika. Love it. The "Oh, whoa is me..." stuff bugs the hell out of me too. The thing is, I was that person at one point early on in my life too, so it was an "awakening" of sorts to break free from that prison. Epic stuff Erika.
I'm not often whiny, but next time I am, I have this bookmarked. Everyone needs a good bitch slap now and again. SACK UP!
Once upon a time I said many of these things, but fortunately I came to the realization that no one really gives a rats ass. Besides, the guy that whines all the time is a dick and annoying to be around. So, I shut the fuck up and got on with getting stuff done. It has made life much easier.
We did proactive searching and planning, and ended up homeless for a year. We are now on the bumpy road to recovery. It took a lot, and some really good friends, to remove ourselves from our dead end life. We stayed for fear of being worse off, and for a long time we were once we decided to change, but, in the end we are on a better road. :) We made it happen.
I've always thought it was better to make "a" decision vs. making "no" decision. The demon keeps spinning around... If you at least make a decision, and it is incorrect - you can correct it.
Amen! Take some fucking responsibility already! I always say that I am the architect of my life. Everything that is shitty is because I designed and built it shitty. Everything that's great is because I made it that way.
A-FREAKIN-men! I would come up with something to say that is a little more eloquent but this pretty much sums it up! If people would take responsibility for themselves rather than worrying about every little thing that can possibly carry blame, we'd be a lot more productive in our society.