The Bitch Slap: Calling Shenanigans

the bitch slap - oh noesDo you ever wake up a day after something or other and think: What the fuck was I thinking? Even if the f-bomb isn’t a staple in your bowl of literary granola, I know you’ve had a WTF moment.

It tastes a lot like regret, steeped in shit (or sh*t for those with a filter) with a whole lotta blame pointing its fat little finger…

right

at

you.

And that blame. Whooooooooo, doggie! It’s a doozie, ain’t it? Well, sitdownandshaddup – you’re getting Bitch Slapped.

I’m calling shenanigans on the whole “morning after” game. Because guess what? You knew it was ALL a bad idea to start with. And you know it was a bad idea because your gut told you so. Our guts are the all-time, most winningest predictors of impending shenanigans…yet for some reason, we find a way or logic that sys arguing with them will get us somewhere.

Bullshit.

Trust your gut. It’ll win, every time.

You knew taking the job was a bad idea.

You new going to the bar was a bad idea.

You knew that throwing your cat off the balcony was a bad idea.

You knew partnering with so-and-so was a bad idea.

You knew drinking liquor after a hot yoga class and no dinner was a bad idea (ahem).

Stop doing stupid shit.

When is the last time your gut was wrong? We’re incredibly evolved beings. Even the most backwoods, stick-dwelling hick knows that a Gremlin won’t haul a mobile home. Doesn’t mean he ain’t gonna try, but he’s also “handy with tools” so he doesn’t mind duct taping the bumper back on his car afterwords, either.

Let your Gremlin be a Gremlin. Put the duct tape back in the garage. Quit wasting your time cleaning up the aftermath from spilling your Basket of Bad Decisions. One bad decision usually leads to another, and after awhile, our gut stops standing in the middle of the road waving its arms at us screaming “Nooooooooooooo!” and sits down at the bar next to us and orders a double shot of Jaegermeister with a Rumplemintz chaser. When we ignore our guts consistently, they give up, kinda like our hearts.

But all we have to do to earn their respect again is listen. You’ll see your gut’s ears perk right up and it’ll be more than happy to tell you what it thinks. Shenanigans – quit ’em already, would ya? And I’ll work on doing the same.

You’ve been slapped.

39 comments
The Redhead
The Redhead

I have one, too. The key is knowing when someone is talking out of it ;-)

JoeRayCr8iv
JoeRayCr8iv

I stumbled on this more than a week later and paranoia struck. I stashed my bong and looked around asking "How the hell did she know I did/said that?" Shit! I'm a pretty calm/sane individual but everyone once in a while somebody comes along and knows what buttons to push. My gut tells me who they are and I'm able to keep them at a safe enough distance away. About a year ago I didn't listen to the gut and WHAM-O! -got sucked into the rapid button pushing/pushee mode. A client kept saying "your peers this and that, said this was wrong, etc." I know this guy's always used students and bottom feeders for their work, so I tried to let it slide. Finally I blurted out "opinions are like assholes, everybody has one." very calmly while staring at him. He mumbled something and left. Not proud of it but my gut likes to remind me of what an asinine but funny confrontation that was. I thought I gave up that aspect of me years ago. I didn't listen to the gut.

The Redhead
The Redhead

LOLZ :) Try dropping this comment on Jim's comment below :)

Mike Litscher
Mike Litscher

You knew partnering with so-and-so was a bad idea.Jim, like I was saying.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Why yes. Yes, I did. And apparently you did, too ;-)

Mike Litscher
Mike Litscher

You knew partnering with so-and-so was a bad idea.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Yeah, I uh...I make mistakes. A lot of them. And glad you found something here that helped!

The Redhead
The Redhead

Yes, but the first step is saying it :) And damn, girl. I hope everything turns out AOK. *fingers crossed*

Jim Raffel
Jim Raffel

I'm figuring out why I like you so much. You write about the "mistakes" you've made from the perspective of having made them. It reminds me of someone I know who's name rhymes with Jim Raffel :) As always thanks or sharing. Needed this one this morning.

Claire Wagner
Claire Wagner

Imagine a brave new world where we don't second-guess ultimately harmless (non-nuclear) decisions. Awesome.

mmangen
mmangen

Dying laughing over here on the visual of the redneck hauling his double wide with the Gremlin. :-) Anyhow, I have no idea what you are talking about....never ever ever ever have I put anything into the basket of bad decisions....oh wait, once I did. Just kidding.........maybe twice

Jane McGillem
Jane McGillem

Much easier said than done. This bitch slap promptly follows a BIG bitch slap I received late Monday night. In case it is helpful to anyone.. never sell a car and not take your license plates off... bad bad bad.

Susan Platt
Susan Platt

Holy shit, yes, yes and yes. A.M.E.N. I too, worship the gospel that is redhead writing.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Ah yes. The frontal lobe. The part of the brain most humanity neglects even more than their gut.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Well, it beats being shittysauce! ;-)

The Redhead
The Redhead

Thanks, Shelly - I have yet to see when it's wrong. Damn self-righteous gut.

Carol Roth
Carol Roth

Great piece, Erika:The head talks the gut out of many decisions both ways. And if your own gut is blinded by something (like lust, ego, etc.) ask someone you trust to borrow their gut.

Bill W
Bill W

"You knew that throwing your cat off the balcony was a bad idea."Well...ummm...no, actually throwing the cat off the balcony was one of the best ideas I've ever had. In fact, I need to figure a way to put it in my portfolio! The bitch kept eating my sweaters, biting my toes, and mewling for a man-cat all night!(It's a joke people! Don't flame me! I knew I should have trusted my gut and run when I started dating a woman whose house smelled like cigarette smoke and cat pee!)

Shelly
Shelly

No denying... the gut is ALWAYS right... Problem comes when you ignore or don't LISTEN!! Great post :)

erinlynn76
erinlynn76

I'm gonna stop doing stupid shit. For real. Thanks for the bitch slap. And for being so awesomesauce.

matthewmeeks
matthewmeeks

That's awesome-and so right on. It's especially important as a self-employed designer. Every time I've had a bad gut feeling about a client, then took the work anyway, it's turned out that I really, really should have listened. Any time a client says to you "we've worked with three designers and had trouble with all of them" is a HUGE red flag.FWIW, I think our "guts" can be trusted in even, or especially, the big decisions in life. Tempered, of course, with a bit of backup from your frontal lobe.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Glad I could be a part of your day :)

Ky
Ky

I was asking for it and you gave it to me. Mere moments before seeing this post I said to a friend "There is nothing wrong with my instincts. What is wrong is my ability to trust my instincts" Lesson learned.

hollywoodcopy
hollywoodcopy

Reminds me of a quote, as well (from Vonnegut's "Galápagos"):“I’ll tell you what the human soul is ... It’s the part of you that knows when your brain isn’t working right.”Soul ... gut ... same thing.

Lori Estep
Lori Estep

The ONLY woman I'd let slap me! Love it!!

Lori Estep
Lori Estep

The only woman I'd let slap me! Love it!

The Redhead
The Redhead

Ah, but that's where the NEXT Bitch Slap comes in: I Hope It's Worth It. :)Our gut is smart. I think it's our brains that try to outthink our instincts!

ClaudiaPutnam
ClaudiaPutnam

Hm. I think this is true for smaller decisions like which guy to sleep with. But I'm not sure it works for bigger ones. Or, to put it differently, can your gut always be trusted? Sometimes your gut is scared, because you got beat up when you were a kid, so your inner child has trouble with trust. Or whatever. In How We Decide, Jonathan Lehrer discusses the overlapping processes of brain vs gut in complex decisions and how they can undermine one another and in fact how neither one can completely be trusted. I kind of wound up thinking, ugh, there's no real hope here. Or, when your gut often knows that something is wrong, but there isn't any clear way to do much about it... Such as when a partner is taking a job somewhere else and you don't really want to go, but you're gut isn't happy about the town you're in, and you can't afford to go to the place you would like to go to (maybe there are several places, no clear option, nothing saying, oh, HERE), on your own. So, to put it yet a different way, I thing the gut is great for the no's in life. Don't sleep with the guy. Don't take that job. But not so great for the complex pathways. What job SHOULD I take? Okay, smartass gut, how should I build a career that gets me where I want to go if I DON'T put up with this asshole boss? And how do I balance the commitments I made and how I feel about what's honorable with the kind of climate and elevation and community I want and the other goals I have in my life, dear know-it-all gut?

The Redhead
The Redhead

Well, thanks for stopping by today, Angeline...and for sharing another great quote!#thatisall

Angelinescott
Angelinescott

"When we ignore our guts consistently, they give up, kinda like our hearts." - I'd say, this quote says it all... As the judge says in 'Mr. Toad's Wild Ride': "'GUILTY!' That is all!"

parkridgedds
parkridgedds

I know...I know.... I deserved that slap...but how in the WORLD did you KNOW??? I'm calling a truce with my gut at this very moment. #wakeupcall