This past weekend, I went to a movie theatre in Santa Monica to take in a viewing of True Grit with my friend Tim. Upon arrival, I had to hit the ladies’ room. I walked in and began thepush door open
WTF – next stall
routine until I found one fit to use.
Ladies – you’re getting bitch slapped.
Do you live in squalor in your own home? I find it hard to believe that any of you walk into your own bathrooms, pop a squat, piss all over the seat and then walk out without flushing. So since you don’t do this at home, why the FUCK do you think it’s acceptable to do it in public? I really think there should be a mandatory piss test when you go to get your drivers license.
It’s disgusting. Women’s restrooms worldwide look like bombed-out underground shelters and those of us who had a little too much green tea at sushi end up walking through them like we’re navigating a minefield. And then there’s the domino effect:
- You’re a pee slob
- You render the stall unusable
- A bathroom with 8 stalls goes down to 6 on account of you and your cohorts
The line gets longer and I begin to feel that no matter where I am, I’m the oldest chick at a New Kids on the Block concert who’s been sipping too much Diet Pepsi.
I didn’t come over to your house and take a crap on your welcome mat, so quit using the world as your bathroom. And don’t give me the argument about all of the germs lingering in public restrooms. Curious about what you can really catch from a stop, drop, pee and roll in public? Check out this article from WebMD. We wander through life thinking that germs will kill us and run screaming from them at every opportunity, but in the meantime, your filthy bathroom behaviors make all of us want to puke.
Worried about what you’ll catch? Get a pee funnel. Get some hand sanitizer. Wash your fucking hands. But quit leaving the public restrooms of the world an ungodly mess for those of us who know that toilet seats are made for sitting on, no pissing on. And if you experience a moment of poor aim while you bust a hover move:
If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie!
You’ve been slapped. (Do guys deal with poor piss etiquette?)