The Bitch Slap: Your List Posts Hurt My Loins

bitch slap list postsToday, a very special (an inaugural) video Bitch Slap.

For the record, THIS is the nonsensical post that drew my ire. Click at will. The bottom line is this: stop wasting my time with metric-free random conglomerations of people on a list in the hope of getting a linkback or a retweet. Stop wasting everyone else’s time by not letting them know why they should care about these people. And for fuck’s sake — do your research. As with lists like this, some of the folks included just don’t make any sense.

Click here to view the video on the website if you can’t see it in your email.

And…you’re welcome. The slappings will continue until the idiocy ceases.

94 comments
lisakwiese
lisakwiese

"They're my front stabbers. They give me unpopular advice even when I'm not asking for it" ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH THIS!

Aaron McClaugherty
Aaron McClaugherty

As the late Great Will Rogers said , "Common sense ain't so common" ! So put me on the "New Guy" list and I'll be there afore ye!

Katie Mack
Katie Mack

Wow, I usually don't care for video posts because I get bored if I'm not reading words, but oh my god, THIS WAS THE BEST BITCH SLAP EVER! Do more, do more!!

Davina K. Brewer
Davina K. Brewer

Hot damn, I could almost feel you reach thru my iPad, give me a good smacking. Think I kinda liked it too. Consigning the actionable and useful, to hades w/ the rest. Or as others have said, enough with the bullshit - try some context already. And while you're at it, say 'fuck all' to Klout scores, vanity metrics, the usual suspects - pick some truly different people who kick ass. FWIW.

Jason Ramsey
Jason Ramsey

for what it's worth, corn beef hash is good anytime of day

Liz Scherer
Liz Scherer

I don't need a list. The people on my list know who they are. Intuitively. :-)

Hajra
Hajra

I went from "Darn, I didn't make it to that list" to "Yippeee, I didn't make it to any crappy lists" ;) People should stop judging themselves based on a list; there are about 180 million blogs around - try reading half of men and getting your head around what's great and what's not! First time here, already lovin' it! :)

Josh
Josh

Lists of the "greatest" bloggers are almost always a joke. It is not just the lack of metrics but the provincial nature. If you aren't among the better known bloggers you will almost never be included. A lot of the list makers are temperamental about it too.

Danny Brown
Danny Brown

Had a great conversation with Olivier Blanchard on his Facebook wall the other day, discussing a list that Neal Schaffer had put together from a LinkedIn discussion. Like you say, while there's nothing wrong with lists per se, make them actionable. Focus on real results, change agents, thought leaders, influencers, whatever the heck you want. But make the lists valid. Of course, maybe I'm just pissed that I am STILL not on the Top 10 Orgies I Ever Had list. Which I should be on twice, at least.

Roni6
Roni6

lets' see, reason 637 why i don't read blogs or use facebook...someone sent me this link or i wouldn't be here, sorry.

Jen BrownMangulabnan
Jen BrownMangulabnan

I don't even know what cornbeef hash is. But it sounds like your grandmother rocks. Fucking awesome post; I'm so sick of those lists too.

Brent
Brent

Now, THAT'S what I'm talking about kid. I've been teaching the game of tennis for, oh I don't know, at least 45 years, and that's the tagline I've been searching for forever. "Here's a tip that's gonna take your forehand from point A to fuck yeah!" Can't wait for my first lesson tomorrow. ;-) Thanks. And by the way, you + video = pure gold. Keep em coming ...

Leon Noone
Leon Noone

G'Day Erika, I'm not dead: just been very busy. "Your ability to do business is a story that should be told by your customers". I have a quote at the end of each blog post I send out. Unless you object without a swearword in sight I'm gunna use that quote." Mr Teagarden , you spoke a book" as Johnny Mercer once sang to Jack Teagarden. back in 1940something. Well Erika, you spoke a book too. You'll join the likes of Groucho Marx, Peter Drucker, Mark Twain, Steve Jobs, Mel Brooks, George Burns, Einstein, Edison and Dame Edna Everage I'm delighted to announce that the name Erika Napoletano will raise the tone of the quotes immeasurably. What's more, you wont be on a list. Keep having fun Regards Leon

Caryn Murray
Caryn Murray

Hmmm, the video isn't working for me. Am I the only one who noticed there's actually 31 in that list though, but it's still missing *cough* the best...

danny
danny

hello redhead don't be such a schill...i get you and i like the posts but you need to stop selling to your audience so much...we already know about your products and stuff...just write and write more getting disheartened by all of the selling danny

Angi Harper
Angi Harper

Yes. And and AAAAAAAND!!! If you're going to pretend to blog, you have to WRITE. They clearly just copied and pasted the bios from somewhere - they are in 25 different tenses, perspectives and styles. That drives me nuts.

Gary W Oakes
Gary W Oakes

I Love this!! You are a star, Erica!! Too good!!

Jennifer Kane
Jennifer Kane

That list made me sad. This post made me happy. Now all is right and harmonious in the world. So thank you for that.

Nikki Groom
Nikki Groom

I never make any lists . . . sad panda. I guess that makes me unpopular . . . Wait a minute! That's a GOOD thing, right? Btw, currently plotting a big overhaul of my site and content so that I stop pussy footing around and start writing like the real me and not the fake-ass, "please people like me" me. If that makes any sense. PS. You purty.

Dru
Dru

And this is why I so appreciate you! Great video - well said..Oh, and nice tiara on the piggy bank

Daniel Dunsford
Daniel Dunsford

For some reason the side of my face hurts after watching that video.

glutenfreeeasily
glutenfreeeasily

I'm curious, Erika ... what would you have done if you had been included in this list (or a similar list)? I mean I totally get what you are saying about arbitrary and pointless lists and agree most of the time, but again I am curious. Would you have gnored the mention? Asked to be removed? Thanks, Shirley

Joel MacCollam
Joel MacCollam

Your semantic spontaneity without a script is spot-on. And Brave to Grandma for teaching you the mysteries of corned beef hash. Some of us, though, would say it is too bad she taught you how to sew.

Lindsay Goldner
Lindsay Goldner

I'm so glad I just watched this video with my mother (I think her ears burned from the plethora of "fucks"). Seriously, lady, you are a superstar on video- the bitchslap just got 10 times slappier.

Barbara Goldberg
Barbara Goldberg

Spot on Erika! All those people on those lists are the same one's that wanted to be part of the popular crowd in school. "Actionable steps that'll get me from Point A to Fuck-yeah!" - Love that we got to see you passionately say it instead of just reading it. Oh and please, please, please (with sugar on top) continue doing your Bitch Slaps by video. We have been spoiled now and a written Bitch Slap just won't carry the same wait any more!

Sean Davis
Sean Davis

Thank you!!! To me, it's pretty pathetic and I feel bad for the author every time I see these kinds of posts. 6 months ago or so, these lists were popping up everywhere. EVERYWHERE. It was embarrassing. The video is dead on. I'm sharing this one like a mofo.

Sandi Amorim
Sandi Amorim

Laughing this hard to start my day is AWESOME!!! Thanks Red ;)

Bill Dorman
Bill Dorman

Damn it to hell; I guess I'll change my post this week. Freakin' lists..... What's that over your right shoulder; that wouldn't be the most unpopular book on the market right now, would it?

talktherapybiz
talktherapybiz

I'm so glad this was the first link I clinked on today :P. Most lists remind me of high school, and I choose to leave 'em behind with the teen angst they recreate. "Actionable steps that'll get me from Point A to Fuck-yeah!"--now that's an adult-level concept. Happy the idiocy will never cease--lookin' forward to more en vivo bitch slaps!

Lindsay Bell
Lindsay Bell

I can't *believe* I'm not on that list. ;)

Amber Carter
Amber Carter

UGH. Thank the fucking GOD for this bitch slap. I HATE the glorified circle jerks that are these lists. We even have a local event created from lists like these, called "The Top Ten Twin Cities Titans", whose sole purpose is not to recognize people who are doing creative and innovative things, but to position the list-maker as a "trendsetter."

Tea Silvestre, aka Word Chef
Tea Silvestre, aka Word Chef

Whoeeee. Everybody's a journalist and/or a link baiter these days, huh? Did you write that all out ahead of time? Or just riff off the cuff? Your delivery was brilliant. Thanks for the morning cup of bitch slap!

Liz Seda
Liz Seda

Oh sweet baby f-ing jesus thank god someone finally said it. Thank you Erika. Thank you from the bottom of my stupid-list hating heart. Make more videos please. Never had such a great first-time experience on a blog.

Erica with a C
Erica with a C

This fucking ROCKS Erika. You need to do ALL of your bitch-slaps via video. Teh end. P.S Also put your script up close to your camera so we can't tell you're reading it. Jussayin'. P.P.S Did I mention this fucking ROCKS?

Teree McCormick
Teree McCormick

"...the slapping will continue, until the idiocy ceases." You'll be around a LONGGGGGGG time and I'm personally pretty flippin' happy about that...

Killian
Killian

Loved it. And I couldn't agree more. What the fuck makes you such an expert that YOU decide the "30 most influential female bloggers" or the "20 most talented fart musicians" or anything else? Don't have me a list that I am supposed to respect without first telling me your own credentials.

Jeff Harbert
Jeff Harbert

"From Point A to fuck yeah!" I'm going to have to remember that. In the blogging and social media space, the bar for sharing information is increasingly being lowered. Posts like the one you linked to are the professional equivalent of cat videos. Imagine how much less noise there would be if the bar was, "This is useful and/or actionable right this second." This is something I want to keep in mind.

Mike Dougherty
Mike Dougherty

So glad to see you in a medium that fully captures you awesomeness of you!!

PJ Mullen
PJ Mullen

You don't need a better gesture, just some sound effects like a cracking whip :) This sounds a whole lot like the Babble bullshit when it comes to ranking mom and dad bloggers, and without the Circe of Moms pandering for page views voting nonsense. All the drama around that stupid shit made me happy I took my dad blog behind the woodshed and hit it with a shovel. Lists that don't add value are bullshit. It seems making arbitrary, unhelpful, ego stroking lists is about all that site is good for.

Ike Pigott
Ike Pigott

Insight. Context. Relationships. That's why I come here. Oh wait, let me make it a list. REASONS I COME HERE: 1) Insight 2) Context 3) Relationships There. Fixed it. (seriously, you nailed this -- and the only reason I shared that stupid thing is because of the HumbleBragging piece from the day before...)

LynetteRadio
LynetteRadio

I first found that list because someone shared it & calling all 30 women MOMMY BLOGGERS. My head imploded. WHAT THE FUCK?

Lou
Lou

On a scale from 0 to I Never Want To Be Yelled At By You, 8.

Trackbacks

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  3. […] handle the truth. It may be a little masochistic, but my favorite part of Erika’s blog is The Bitch Slap, where she lets us know in an occasionally NSFW, but always entertaining way, how we’re […]