The Bitch Slap: You Twits – Are We REALLY Still Talking About This?

***If you don’t use Twitter, there’s still a gem in here for all the Bitch Slap fans today. Waaaaait for it…

I’m taking a new approach with my Twitter account and my Twitter account only: follow more folks, segment and filter via lists. Be less exclusive, more inclusive. And you just kicked me in the nuts for it.

I went into Twitter Karma and did a slew of following yesterday on seemingly interesting accounts. Granted, interesting follows sometimes fly below my radar and Twitter Karma’s a great tool for managing what I happen to miss. But almost instantaneously, my inbox was jammed with disingenuous bullshit auto-DMs “thanking me for the follow” and telling me how they’d made millions in months using a proven online system.

Fuck. Off.

I’m not above trying new tactics. Last year, I published Don’t Take it Personally, but I’m Not Going to Follow You on Twitter. It’s turned out to be one of my most popular posts of all-time (all time). And I’m still going to trudge through with this wild-ass new strategy of mine to follow more folks, but for all that’s holy, I’m not going to hold my tongue in the process.

Here’s the happs:

  • I get an auto DM from you: you’re unfollowed. You’re a douchebag.

That’s the only rule.

Here’s why (and I can’t believe we’re still talking about this):

We run around all day long plugged-in. Why on earth would you automate your response to a potential new relationship? I don’t need to go on and on about this when some simple bullets will suffice:

  • If your financial planner sent you a form email that obviously didn’t address you, your accounts or your personality, I hope you’d fire them.
  • If you’re the jackass at the office who always circulates inappropriate viral videos indiscriminately to everybody on the Accounting email group in Outlook, I hope the IT department gives you its own bitch slap.
  • If you’re on an online dating website and a potential date sent you a cut-and-paste letter, I hope you’ll delete it.

With the growth of social media platforms, it’s more important than ever to make them personal. It’s been a struggle for me to pursue a strategy of more follow-backs, as I’ve always strived for a stream I can control and with which I can interact meaningfully. But there’s a happy medium, methinks, and I do hope that the douchebags don’t ruin it for the rest of yas. A follow from me is nothing to thank me for – it’s a mouse click. That’s all. But what I’m looking for is to expand the sources from which I can get meaningful, poignant, oh-so-ME content that I can share.

Whether you use Twitter, Facebook, some or none of these online wonders, it doesn’t really matter. When someone takes a medium with incredibly personal potential and drops a steaming pile of poo in your yard, they’re wasting your time because it’s obvious they’re not interested in a personal relationship.

Anyone who sends out an auto-DM is no better than the companies who waste millions each year filling-up your mailbox with untargeted messages about men’s health (hello, I don’t have a dick) and daycare (hello, I don’t have children). It’s outbound marketing, and you don’t have permission to send me that crap. My following you is my opting-in to your information and what you have to share. Don’t violate my trust when I invite you over to dinner and letting your kids write on my walls with a sharpie.

You can’t take back an auto DM. You can’t take back an untargeted email campaign. You can’t take back sharing an inappropriate viral video with a classroom full of third graders.

So stop it. You’ve been slapped. Here are five criteria to take you through any sort of communication process in this day and age:

  1. Personality: understand YOURS. It’s collateral, your brand.
  2. Intention: when you send a message, know why you’re sending it and to whom
  3. Playground Tactics: not everyone will like you, so get over it.
  4. Inclusion vs. Exclusion: there’s nothing wrong with giving people the opportunity to become an asset. Let them prove you wrong.
  5. Conversations vs. Monologues: everyone in your high school drama class wanted a scene with a monologue because it was about them. Conversations are magical, however: they involve opening yourself up to the possibility that someone can add something to your life. They’re the basis for all successful relationships.
15 comments
The Redhead
The Redhead

Well, glad you found The Dark Side :) Welcome!

3BoysandaDog
3BoysandaDog

I agree!! I hate automated DMs... uggh! I don't even auto-follow! I let me little inbox fill slap up with all my "new follower" announcement, then when I have time I go to Twitter to see who I can follow back or who needs blocking (sorry, don't need porn people just to give me more followers LOL)

3BoysandaDog
3BoysandaDog

I agree!! I hate automated DMs... uggh! I don't even auto-follow! I let me little inbox fill slap up with all my "new follower" announcement, then when I have time I go to Twitter to see who I can follow back or who needs blocking (sorry, don't need porn people just to give me more followers LOL)

shasher
shasher

I agree, I don't like living in auto-pilot myself, so why would I want to hear regurgitated verbiage about how much I'm appreciated just because I clicked "Follow".

Andrew Marshall
Andrew Marshall

The Redhead Strikes Again! And once more finds her target. The lesson: listen, learn and share when appropriate - don't go pushing your product all up in our business with your DM crap.

Max
Max

About the only time I DM's a follower was when someone that happened to be a voice actor on a cartoon show I watched did so... wanted to know WHY he did it. Personal thank yous are not necessary, but a personal 'hey, that's cool!' might be nice if it's someone you actually have a connection to, known or unknown from the follower.

The Redhead
The Redhead

Now, I never judge a person by their number of followers. Anyone can follow me, really - but following back...another story. While I'm opening my doors a bit wider, I'm still exercising discretion as to who comes in. I only have so much bandwidth!

The Redhead
The Redhead

I'm a big fan of the RT thanks - sharing content is always cause for gratitude in my red head :)

The Redhead
The Redhead

Bril, Robert. I think I'm going to start calling it "twatting." Good call!

robert
robert

I'm just too nice of a guy to take up your valuable time twittering, or as Stephen Colbert put it, twatting, about my mind numbing day. I'll just enjoy yours

Todd
Todd

Ah, see, I was just doing a casual hair toss as in "of course I have another follower." I've gotten a few of the automated DM's and they are kind of annoying. I guess I prefer to thank people publicly by RT'ing or what have you.

Cherry Woodburn
Cherry Woodburn

No slap coming my way this week. Whew. What goes along with your post in my mnd is people who start to follow me, who already have 20, 543 followers and 18,222 people to follow and they suddenly find me of interest? I know I'm scintillating and more but how do they know that?And they have nothing to do with women's issues or stories or Borderless Thinking.

The Redhead
The Redhead

No, you should NOT thank people for following IMHO. A personalized thank you is a great gesture, but entirely unnecessary.

Todd
Todd

Ummm I didn't even know I should have been DM'ing people to say thanks for following me. Noob'd.