There’s No Idiot Check in MS Word

typos drive Erika Napoletano crazyI write for a living. It’s what I love, what I do. But I can’t fucking spell (so it seems) to save my life. Actually, I take that back: I can spell, I just can’t verify context.

Uncharacteristic confusions of it’s and its. Blink-inducing substitutions for shirt and shit. Time becomes tome. Hell is strangely mutated to he’ll (and for this, I blame my iPhone). I’m issuing a shout-out to Microsoft and Apple: the world needs an Idiot Check function (<<which was “cunction” until I corrected it) in any and all word processing applications.

This goes for WordPress’s Spell Check, Mac Mail, Outlook, Entourage, Pages, Word and whatever the hell else you might be using to scrawl your digital correspondence.

Thank god for my readers, as they gently send me DMs and emails with every goddamn typo I make. It’s like having a full-time copyeditor on staff (I’ve even threatened to hire @ShellyKramer for the job). And I love all of you for the proofreading love you so openly give. But if I can have a “phone” (term used loosely, especially given my current disdain for Apple) that allows me to check the weather, complete PayPal transactions and check 93 email accounts, why can’t someone come up with an actual Idiot Check for any application that involves TYPING? Yeah, yeah – I know about the “grammar check” function in Word. Have you SEEN its version of a well-constructed English sentence? Christ. Snoop Dogg has a better grasp on English than the grammar check function.

Just a rant. Weigh in as you always do. And by the way, I’ve been so busy the last two days that my iPad showed up yesterday. It’s still in the box. Total. Fail.

PS: if you find a typo above, lemme know. FML.

31 comments
The Redhead
The Redhead

You're up against a tough audience - I hear she's quite the chef!

Erroin Martin
Erroin Martin

Do you think she will accept my cooking for payment?

The Redhead
The Redhead

Yeah - wanna go halvsies on getting @ShellyKramer on the payroll?

Erroin Martin
Erroin Martin

I always felt that the spell check (and grammar check on MS Word) were designed to confound my knowledge for Strunk & White's Elements of Style.Of course it could also be that all those grades I got in English class were correct after all.P.S. - I'll take @ShellyKramer as a copy editor any day!@Erroin

The Redhead
The Redhead

Yeah...THAT'S an app that would never make it through the approvals process. Apple admits no wrong!

Heather
Heather

My phone seems to pick up most contractions except 'we'll'. That is always well. I think a mind reading app would fix all these issues.

lomifeh
lomifeh

If you use a mac check out grammarian by linguisoft.

Tomer Guez
Tomer Guez

A good program I use to do spell check and grammar check in all windows, including blogs, is SpellCheckAnywhere.Com.

The Redhead
The Redhead

College. Majoring in some highly useful Fine Arts degree field.

Lani Rosales
Lani Rosales

Well where the shit were YOU when I needed help!?! ;)

The Redhead
The Redhead

Never underestimate the value of a complete sentence. w00t!You could have said: Fuck it!This is fucked.Fuck off.Get fucked.All would have given you partial credit :)

Lani Rosales
Lani Rosales

Don't tell, but I took a grammar course in college and on the final, I couldn't answer one of the questions about structure, so I wrote "fuck this" and turned it in. His response in red Sharpie was, "Despite the vulgar nature of your answer, I would have given you credit partial credit if you had attempted to complete a sentence. For example, 'Fuck this.' would have sufficed."

The Redhead
The Redhead

I suck at pop culture. There's my excuse. *runs to edit*

The Redhead
The Redhead

Thanks, Deb! Nice to see you 'round these parts today!

Camilo Olea
Camilo Olea

Hi Erika!I think I found one! Isn't it spelled "Snoop Dogg"? lol =)Keep up the great work, big fan of your posts!Camilo

joshuatitsworth
joshuatitsworth

I was RT this post and replying to your tweet! Stop distracting me!

Sally G.
Sally G.

The timing of this post couldn't be more perfect. As I embark (yet again) on the journey of 'What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up' (is this supposed to take 4 decades and counting?) ~ I see the glimmers of Job Description in your angst.I would serve rather well as a Walking, Talking, Idiot Checker. Heaven knows I've spent enough time in the company of Idiots to know one when I see one. Also, if you look up Grammar Police in the dictionary - you'll likely find my bio. Not in the Urban Dictionary though, I'm not nearly cool enough for that.On the bright side, you used the apostrophe well to create the contraction IT'S in your final sentence. (Final - because Total and Fail, in and of themselves, do not complete sentences make. Perchance I have now stepped too far ...)

The Redhead
The Redhead

OK, where the hell were YOU guys when "construction" was mistakenly used for "constructed?" PROPS to @LegalTypist! Damn you all...

robert
robert

I have no respect for a person who only knows one way to spell a word.

The Redhead
The Redhead

I'm sucking at the sweet teat of validation. W00t!

joshuatitsworth
joshuatitsworth

Most of the great writers I've met/read aren't that good with the technicality of grammar. I think it's the creative nature that flows from them that takes over the writing. For me at least, it's more about painting the picture vividly that it is about worrying if I use the ";" properly. That's where editors rawk!

Deb Dobson
Deb Dobson

Ok, I love this post #justsaying

Melinda C.
Melinda C.

Here you go: "Weigh-in" is a noun. When it's used as a verb, there's no hyphen. *grin, duck, run*

Trackbacks

  1. […] There’s No Idiot Check in MS Word- I’m sure a lot of people can sympathize here. With all the great apps being created some might think an Idiot Check function should be developed and replace the basic grammar check function. My suggestion –  we should just develop a mind reader app.! […]