Two Things for a Tuesday

drakkar noirFirst, I could give a shit if someone in Great Britian had a baby yesterday. You know why? Because my friends Xavier and his wife Teresa welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world yesterday. It also happened to be Xavier’s birthday.

Secondly, people can be dicks. But you don’t have to be one of them.

You know those people who, when you share an exciting moment in your life, feign enthusiasm?

The smile attaches to his face like an octopus on meth flying out of a saltwater bath. Frankly, it’d be more at home in a Batman movie on a choice villain than on the face of your (ahem) friend.

Congrats!

That’s exciting!

Good for you.

Yeah…good for me. Good for me for realizing that you’re…you. And you’re never going to be happy…for me.

And that’s okay. You don’t have to be.

But don’t lie to my face and say you are when the bottom dollar truth is that you give the approximation of two dime-sized shits about my life and its goings on.

People can be dicks. But that doesn’t mean you have to be one of them.

There are so many times in life when we feel obligated to say something. It’s expected. And instead of lying.

Instead of being a dick.

Maybe…you could do one of two things:

Say nothing. Sure, it’s unpopular, but you’re fucking brilliant and you deserve to have people in your life who adore your brilliance, celebrate it, and join you on your journey to become the next better version of yourself.

OR

Ask a question. Instead of lying, why don’t you learn about what might have motivated the person sitting in front of you to make the choice they’ve made? You know — that choice you were about to feign excitement for and flick two dime-sized shits towards. Who knows — you might learn a thing or two about this person in front of you who (perhaps mistakenly) calls you “friend.” You might even find a new reason to call them a friend because you were brave enough to ask a question instead of shitty enough to belittle your relationship by being disingenuous.

That’s it. That’s all I’ve got.

Celebrate YOU. You’re worth it. And whever you’re at and whatever you’re doing — the things you’re doing to become that next better version of yourself?

Tough. Fucking. Work.

And those things are why you rock.

PS: A bonus thing — the sale of Drakkar Noir should be outlawed. Holy shit, there is no man who smells better drenched in this ass juice. Ask me how I really feel.

9 comments
KimberlyBither
KimberlyBither

Reminds me of my new mission that every time I'm in a store or other public place and someone asks me "How are you?", I answer honestly instead of the usual "fine, thanks, how are you?".  I've noticed when I do this, the person (like the cashier at the store), suddenly relaxes, drops their shoulders, and looks human.  Then they start talking to me real.. love it.

calebsimpson
calebsimpson

I somewhat disagree. If my sister comes to me excited about the part she got in a dance I could care less, I hate dance, but I'm happy FOR HER. I can get excited about the fact that she is excited. So is that faking excitement? I don't think so. On another hand somebody may be doing somethingI belive to be completely idiotic, then I'm not going to sit there and pretend I'm excited, so in that sense I do agree.

Emmluu
Emmluu

This post is the first one I’ve read and I love it!!!It’s so absolutely true….but honestly, I don’t feign happiness for people…even people I don’t like.Maybe it’s the way I was brought up but I really try to be happy for people when they tell me their good news.Maybe it’s also because I want them to be happy for me when I have good news (yes, I’m disillusioned, don’t judge me, lol).But I won’t always gush, shriek and jump up and down (although I don’t’ think I have EVER done that, lol)…I will make a comment that pretty much has the other person responding with a comment that will tell me why they’re happy or just emphasizes their joy.Sometimes, I do ask questions but the asking question part is to me, just common decency….especially if the person is your friend.It’s also brilliant…which is why I will be waiting patiently for your next blog post… maybe I will jump up and down and gush gleefully when it arrives in my inbox….and that will most definitely be sincere.Because. You. Rock.Oh and P.S…..I agree with you about Drakkar Noir…that shit should be branded as hazardous waste….

Lucy Ann Clark
Lucy Ann Clark

I appreciate those gems of encouragement in your posts. I celebrate me! Thanks you for that acknowledgement that it is fucking hard work.

Barbara Goldberg
Barbara Goldberg

You hit this one out of the park Erika! Please never stop speaking the gospel of Red!

OneAndOnlyLola
OneAndOnlyLola

Love the question asking gambit- great way to get beyond faking it- wonder if this might be handy for other situations as well...

Completely agree that the "royal" baby hype is beyond- I live in London and its completely out of control- BBC news live streamed nothing but the hospital door for over 30 minutes because they were expected to leave!

And to your last point on men's cologne- my personal krypton happens to be Antaeus- lethal!

kosmicegg777
kosmicegg777

Geez Louise Yes! It remains an interesting sidebar in my life story: other people and their reactions to me being me. But that is all it is...a sidebar.

LindaEsposito
LindaEsposito

The reason I like you is your honesty. And sometimes honesty comes with a huge price. People who are in the truth business often "feel" more than someone who feigns happiness while they're seething, or indifferent inside...But then again, most people don't like to think more than is humanly necessary.

I thought of you yesterday. In the spirit of your recent Askhole article, I reposted one I wrote a while back to my Facebook page. Apparently yesterday was haters day in my little corner of the world...I thought of ways to respond to the negative comments, and then said, "Fuck it." I decided on silence b/c people who expect a therapist to dispense the contents of her mind freely have issues around boundaries and time. But damn, I should've thought to ask questions...

Speaking of ass juice, I used to love Drakkar Noir! My friend Dieter would wear 1/2 the bottle to work. We'd stand at the podium of the Marie Callender's in Valencia, CA and I'd be breathing in his neck while asking, "Hi! And how many in your party today?" You can take the girl out of White Trash Territory...

Carrie Drephal
Carrie Drephal

Right fucking on! I can't tell you how tired I am of proverbially screaming at the top of my lungs that people should be honest. I'm sick of the "friends" who don't understand that things said just to not hurt someone's feelings are still a lie. If you can't be honest with me, there's the door.