What’s Missing

what's missingI’ve been in San Francisco all week for business. Since I boarded a plane on Tuesday morning at the ass crack of dawn, it’s been nonstop everything – food, buzz, work, walking, coffee (fucking coffee, more on that in a moment) – yet not enough sleep or quality human interaction. Isn’t it funny how those two things always fall by the wayside when it’s go-go-go time?

By the by and by, if you’re looking for the best latte in San Francisco, please stop by Dolce Gelato on Sutter. I’ve had 3 mornings of a nonfat sugar-free caramel latte and it’s possible this cuppa is my next meaningful relationship.

It’s been a week that’s reminded me that I’ve felt as if something’s been missing. But what that missing thing is? Elusive. Couldn’t put a finger on it. Yesterday sorted that out.

Sometimes you meet people who put things into perspective – yesterday was one of those days. The entire day felt different. Full of good meetings, great conversation, laughter, exhaustive speed walking to get from one place to another and while finally sitting down at dinner last night at a cozy wine and tapas bar called District, it hit me.

That is what’s been missing.

It’s my discovery, and I don’t feel it would be right if I told you what it was, but it let me sleep. It let me smile. It let me not say a word (something remarkable as I’m one that fills voids with sound). It left me yearning for a museum trip – and if that doesn’t happen here, I’ll do it in Denver over the weekend. But no – it’s not the museum that was missing.

I go through my life (and perhaps you do as well) looking to label things as best I can. I’m like a human card catalog, wanting to file and sort everything I possibly can. Manageable bits. Morsels. And for all of my sorting, I’m still left on occasion with things that I can’t identify. Like What’s Missing.

I have no idea if anyone else ever feels like this, but this morning, it’s good to know that I’ve got a clue what that missing thing has been. I even woke up in the middle of the night and smiled as I rolled from one side to the other. It skipped through my head and heart like a flat rock across a pond, and while I didn’t care where it landed, the ripples rocked me back to sleep.

Maybe you have your thing. Maybe you’re someone like me who was trying to put a finger on it. Regardless – we spend so much time trying to fill those voids with everything we’re not looking for that it’s not surprising we end up with a pile of shit we don’t need. Maybe the first step is getting away from the pile we’ve built/accumulated. And the next step? To stop looking.

Just some random BS tripping around my brain this morning and I’m sorry it’s been since Monday that I last posted. Traveling is the one thing that throws me for a writing loop and today, we both got lucky. Since writing is my catharsis and I had a much needed ah-ha moment last night, you got a post and I got therapy.

Carry on smartly.

22 replies
  1. Jeff Harbert
    Jeff Harbert says:

    Posts like this are why I’m fan. It’s so easy to get sidetracked by life and forget to pay attention to the things that keep us grounded. I’m headed to Baltimore for the weekend to see some friends for a dose of re-grounding, and I’m grateful for it.

  2. MegCarpen
    MegCarpen says:

    I can really relate here, except with the figuring it out. I recently decided that I would just do my own thing and maybe figure out the blank later, but I still have issues ignoring it. I’ll keep this bookmarked though, to give me hope that someday I’ll stumble upon it.

    • Bridget Fisher
      Bridget Fisher says:

      You have to know what you want and give into your hearts desire. You certainly cant fix a problem if you don’t what’s missin’. And tying to provide yourself with self help will certainly be stressful. Best wishes tho on your a ha moment!

  3. SL Clark
    SL Clark says:

    “…but it let me sleep” Ohhh how I love this when this happens! Too much stuff going on, not enough answers, and then magic, each bit lands in the right mental bucket, deep abiding rest.

    On thing that is NOT missing today is another yearly IRS reminder of my birthday! Whatever it takes, my future corporation will never have a tax due on April 15.
    LOL, -Steve

  4. Bridget Fisher
    Bridget Fisher says:

    I had the same a ha moment this week after a car accident recently, I found myself living in fear. Fear of losing Mr Wonderful, Fear of failing as a parent, fear of not being there enough for my mother, fear for her health .l… etc., all stuff that lots of people experience too. My a ha was, why am I afraid of failure? Fearing it bread it in my life, stagnated the situation and I made some dumb ass choices …. out of fear, masked as responsibility. I realized I am responsible for me, I can only control me and my reactions to others and as soon as I said out loud to the universe ” I want a fun life. I want a great life. I want to live freely. ” As soon as I shouted, or like in your case secretly recognized your need and gave us bitches sumthin’ to think about (thank you very much BTW) my guilt was lifted, my anxiety decreased, and I laughed again and smiled and started to really appreciate those lil things in life that I adore, (like a kick ass cup of anything ) and looked for the beauty, joy and greatness that surrounds me everyday that I briefly took for granted and the valuable life lessons I have learned and continue to grow from most dumb ass life mistakes brought me peace and out of fear. Whether you believe in the Law of Attraction, or if you believe in the Bible, what our history has taught is simple, we achieve what we believe. Have a fab weekend!

  5. Raquel Elle Bell
    Raquel Elle Bell says:

    I know what you are talking about. I too have felt as if something was missing lately. I’m pretty sure I know what it is. And, I’m pretty sure it’s not necessarily any ONE thing or a thing at all. I think it’s a state of mind created by a sense of accomplishment. Accomplishment, wrap up and moving forward.

    • The Redhead
      The Redhead says:

      That’s a great sequence of events and way to enumerate it: accomplishment, wrap-up and moving forward…we don’t ever really move on…forward is a great direction.

  6. Erroin Martin
    Erroin Martin says:

    When I first read this post I thought your lack of clarity and the constant “hum” in your brain was your lack of fat in your latte. Or maybe it was your over caffeinated mind in over-drive?

    Then I remembered that I have been negligent in reading your posts because I’ve allowed my busy schedule to get in the way. Instead of using that as an excuse to saying that I’ve been an ass and ignored you, I am owning up to fact that what I have been missing was your snarkiness, insights, and the occasional slap. Which, I might add, I to deserve!

    Thanks for reaching across the digital divide to shake me by my lapels and tell me to smell the non-fat latte!

  7. Joel MacCollam
    Joel MacCollam says:

    Birdget, if I had you, Marie and Redhead in the same room or at the same table, I’d
    be over the top with three of my most sane friends. So tday I have Marie, the rest will come!
    Love you all.

  8. Laura
    Laura says:

    Damn you! Your post reminded me that it’s been way too long since I’ve had one of those aha moments. Which means: I think it might be time for a road trip. Can you watch my kid for a few days?


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