erika napoletano buy me coffee consulting

Well, hello there. Seems you need to un-fuck something. You’re in the right place.

I have over 19 years worth of thoughts, intuitions, and experiences in the marketing and branding realm rolling around in my head — and I’m ready to share them all with you, specific to your situation, goals, personality, and business.

YOU get to pick MY brain. And all it takes is buying me a cup of coffee.

And granted,  it’ll probably be the most expensive cup of coffee you’ve ever bought. But it’ll be worth it…

For the right people, that is.

Interesting fact: People like the copy on this page so much that they tend to rip it off on a regular basis. I guess I really am as good as I say I am.

Who should think about buying me coffee?

  • Something’s got you feeling stuck.
  • You know what you DO as a brand, but you don’t know WHO you are as a brand.
  • You’ve been hovering where you are and you’ve got your sights on something higher in altitude.
  • You need a front-stabber, someone who won’t let you get away with being “clever.”
  • You want people to look at your brand and think, “Damn. I’d really like to rip that off.”
  • You need accountability. I mean, you’re great at what you do but you’re better when someone’s making sure you do the stuff that matters. Every single one of my ongoing clients (we call it Private Ass Kicking) began with a Buy Me Coffee session.

If any of the above sound like you, we should talk.

Okay. How the hell does this work, Erika?

Great question. Here’s what you need to know:

  • YOU don’t need to be in Chicago to meet with me. 90% of all my consulting sessions are done virtually. 30% of my clients are international and I love playing Time Zone Bingo.
  • YOU will need to do some (a tad) work beforehand.
  • YOU will have my undivided attention during this time. I do not answer emails, call waiting, IM chat messages, or walk my dogs during these sessions. My dogs might bark, however.
  • SESSIONS LAST roughly one hour to one hour and fifteen minutes. Maybe a little more or a little less, but at the end you’ll get:
    • An audio recording of your session.
    • Recommended next steps from Erika.
    • One week of “open inbox” access following your session. I’ve found that my clients have questions after we hang up. So, just drop me an email and I’ll get you a response — or find you someone who can get us an answer — inside of 24 hours.

Right. So what’s this going to run me?


If the success of your business isn’t worth $429, it sure wasn’t worth me sitting down with you for a $4.68 latte.

Wait — what? Erika, I need you to un-fuck my business. I don’t need a business therapy session. How can I do THAT kind of work with you?

Yet another great question. Regardless of the kind of un-fucking you have in mind, it all starts with a Buy Me Coffee session. Why? Because you’ve worked with too many people you hate to hire another one you’re going to hate. I’m mind-blowingly awesome at what I do, but if we don’t dig one another, that means jack.

So, we date. I get to know you, you get to know me. Together, we decide what’s next.

What does it cost to work with you beyond a Buy Me Coffee session?

Better question: What will it cost you to NOT work with me?

Can I just schedule this damn thing already?

Yes. Let’s stop fucking around, shall we?

Fill out this form and click the INVEST button to send me your information. I’ll be back in touch ASAP with my next available dates and times. Please understand that I may be booked up to a month out, but I’ll always do my best to get you in as quickly as possible.

The good news is people like to work with me. There really is no bad news except my “now” might not seem “now enough.” But it is, I promise you. Because if any consultant tells you they can completely unfuck something in the next 24 hours, please — run screaming. Running a business and building a brand is a commitment and a process and I’m not just interested in your now.

I’m interested in your five to ten years from now. Because if we can’t get you there, “now” doesn’t matter a damn.

5 + 2 = ?