It’s been a long time since I’ve written a Bitch Slap, but this one can’t wait.
Since the first of this month, I’ve written 13 blog posts. Most of those have been, by and large, about shit that’s gone wrong/is wrong/fucked/semi-fucked/and otherwise causing a decent amount of emotional and intellectual consternation.
And I realized yesterday, while listening to a random Facebook live broadcast on the subject of confidence, that I was descending into a dark, doubty, and shit-is-always-wrong place. And here’s the worst part: I was beginning to feel as if shit ain’t right and it’s never going to BE right. I’d misplaced my confidence and self-doubt had crept in, hiding my confidence on a high shelf like some demonic elf.
My aura was dark. My self-doubt was eating the stuff my dreams should be feeding on. And it was all a huge load of bullshit.
So today, here’s your bitch slap: If your self-doubt is the biggest thing in the room, you’re never going to get to a better place.
I mean, shit — I was IN a better place. Happy. Motivated. DOING. Excited. Making progress. Getting it done. And then I started focusing on everything that was wrong so I’d have something to write about every day because hey — we’re all afraid of something and fear is a fantastic topic that keeps people coming back for more. Let’s face it: We’re afraid of a lot of shit and most of it’s bullshit.
And I went from a place of knowing that I have a metric ass ton of awesome to offer this world to a place where I felt a lot more comfortable hiding.
Dark. Dark, dark, dark. And y’know, people can see that shit. They can feel it. Even if you’re painting over it with a delicious protective outer coating of EVERYTHING IS FINE. I AM FINE.
They sure can see and feel it.
And if where you are today isn’t where you want to be, you have a choice:
A) You can take steps to get to a better place.
B) You can stay where you are, swimming in fog of your dark and bullshitty cloud of self-doubt.
So, which is it going to be?
VICTIM ain’t pretty.
Letting life happen TO YOU ain’t pretty.
Watching others GET WHAT YOU WANT ain’t pretty.
And it was a real bitch slap to realize yesterday that I was looking at life as something happening TO me and watching others get the things I wanted WITH ENVY…
Only to realize that the problem wasn’t with life or the other people. It was with me and this aura of self-doubt I’d wrapped myself in by talking about a bunch of shit that was wrong.
And yeah, I know life ain’t always pretty. But there’s a way to look at things that ain’t right without making yourself the victim.
Damn me for falling for that one again.
Because self-doubt is a greedy little fucker. He wants all of the souls he can get his crusty little mitts on and doesn’t care how he gets them or how low he has to sink to do it. And he’ll keep on and on until pretty soon, your YOU sinks into the background and Self Doubt is trying to drive the car — but y’know, it can’t because fucker can’t find the keys and even if it could, it doesn’t know that it would remember how to drive because IT’S SELF-DOUBT, YO.
So today, ask yourself: What’s the biggest thing in my room of ME?
If it’s self-doubt, excuses, and things out of your control, I call bullshit and demand that you walk out of that dark cloud that’s following you around like Pigpen.
If it’s YOU, then you’re a better person than I was yesterday and keep that shit up. Because you’re fucking amazing and the world deserves to know it.
And you’re one step closer to getting what you want because you’re moving forward, with confidence, fueled by some badass heart.
Which, by the by, is sexy AF.